[Editor’s Note: In this very special edition of The Sword’s Sexy Summer Q&A, we’re mixing things up and turning the “A” over to our new guest contributor, straight porn superstar Brittney Bunny! Got a question for Brit-Brit? Feel free to submit to her using the “tips” link above!]
Hey everyone, Brittney Bunny here. Today I’ll be giving all you ladies out there some advice on how to keep your gay porn star husbands happy and horny!
Q: Dear Brittney,
Hi Brittney,
I’ve been married to my gay porn star husband for about two years now, and while our sex life was fresh and exciting in the beginning, lately things have been a bit dry and predictable. His work schedule as a gay porn star has been pretty consistent throughout the past two years with him shooting scenes (as a top only) about three or four days per week, and despite all the on-camera sex, he was always horny and ready to go every night with me when he got home (probably because they faked his cum shots with Cetaphil LMAO). But for the past couple of months, my hubby either tells me he’s “too tired,” or he does things to purposely gross me out like talk about how he had to french kiss one of his gay guy scene partners (ugh!). We haven’t had sex since Memorial Day weekend when we took the boat out to Lake Havasu, and I’m starting to think that he’s lost interest in me and my missy (“missy” was his nickname for my pussy ROTFLMAO).
Oh, and to make matters more complicated, I’m not just his wife, I’m also his business partner in our own gay porn company, and I don’t want to do anything to fuck up my only source of income, so I have to approach this situation delicately. Oh and also, my husband just informed me that he’s going on vacation overseas for about 10 years, and I’ll need to run the business while he’s gone. What the fuck!?
Sincerely,
Hopeless in Huntington Beach
Dear Hopeless,
First of all, have you had a boob job? I know it might sound shallow, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned about keeping my gay porn star husband Garrett Michaels happy, it’s always making sure he has some big titties to play with. I’m going to assume you’ve already had implants and the problem is somewhere else (but if you haven’t had a boob job, stop reading now and go take care of that first).
Maybe you just need to rekindle things the old-fashioned way by surprising your husband every once and a while? Try buying your gay porn star husband a gift from his Amazon Wish List, or maybe show up on his gay porn set unannounced with a delicious lunch from Chick-fil-A (that’s Garret’s favorite). Or, send him some loving tweets throughout the day just letting him know that you’re thinking of him. Maybe even send a few tweets out to your husband’s gay followers, reminding them that it’s you he comes home to every night. Men love it when their wives get territorial, and honestly what could be funnier than riling up all those pathetic fags on Twitter?
I can relate to being involved with your husband’s business, seeing as I work with Garrett regularly, so I appreciate your need to be delicate. If your husband says he’s going away on a 10-year vacation overseas, all you can do is believe that he’s going on an exciting 10-year vacation overseas, and that’s it! Just like I trust Garrett when he tells me he’s not cheating on me, you have to trust that your husband isn’t going on vacation to serve out a 10-year prison sentence for armed robbery and attempted murder, or something crazy like that. Because if you can’t trust your own gay porn star husband, who can you trust?
So, do your gay porn star husband proud and keep his business up and running while he’s gone. Just think how grateful (and horny!) he’ll be when he gets back in 10 years and sees all the money you made for him from the sales of his gay porn DVDs!
<3,
Brittney Bunny
Oh and P.S., here’s me and Garrett servicing each other, just to give you an idea of how happy and horny I keep him ;-p
I love a lot of the gay4pay guys, especially those on Sean Cody, Bel Ami, Randy Blue and Corbin Fisher. They don’t have all the sexual hang ups that many older gays and straights have. Who they prefer to f*ck in their private life is their business. I just want to see them having hot gay sex on screen and that is what most of them do.
What a waste of cyberspace. Why bother posting that other than to ”rile up your fag readers” whom you obviously see as “pathetic”.
As they say:
He who jokes, confesses.
Please Stop lol.This is weird.
That was seriously funny. For the bi guys here, do you find those fake tits appealing? I’m not one of those gay guys who is repulsed by women’s bodies but those fake tits are gross to me.
She has a terrible boob job. A good one I’m ok with.
Zack, you are weird, strange man.
but so fuckin funny when he makes fun of porn stars…lol
Love these posts! So fucking funny! lol
hahahahaha…..i love it when Zach does these sort of posts.
I would like to see Britney Bunny butt-fucking van Nailen with a strap-on dildo . Can The Sword make it happen ? It could be the next series…
It was bad enough when you did it the first time Zack but to do this shit again is even worst and believe me when I said it ,It not funny the second time around either Zack I don’t know what can of crazy games your playing on this blog.But if you keep this crap up and your gonna loose a lot of posters from this B.S.when I come to a gay porn blog I don’t want see some str8-porn bitch filty vagina looking me in the face.As far as I am concern she can take her g4per hubby back to str8-porn with her we don’t need him in gay-porn any way it’s much better off with-out him in it.I’m not about to spend money on g4pers in gay-porn nor will I help support them either that what str8-porn is for not gay-porn? They can get a part time job to support their income and their bitches too let me make this very clear gay men are not a [ Piggy-bank ] for g4pers and their bitches when it come to making money from gay men.G4pers who want use gay men as well as take advantage of them too then go home their bitches and laugh at how stupid gay men are for giving them their money without getting any thing in return for their money are more than happy to take gay men money.I want them to know not all gay men are that stupid and willing to let themselves be make a fool of by g4pers like other gay men will.To Brittany I say bitch go find your self some new meal tickets too abuse and prey on hopefully they won’t be gay men.
C-student, please…
Not again Zack!!!!
Geeze that was quite disturbing. Nasty