this past Sunday on basic cable is a question that will embarrass us for the rest of our lives.

However, the question we can’t help throwing to Andy the investigator is, of course: “What? No Speedo?” How dare you toy with our emotions! Always teasing us and never giving up the goods, aren’t you Anderson? Is a profile outline of your package too much for the 60 Minutes viewers at home in buttfuck Nebraska to ask for?

Aside from Cooper’s debut of his incredibly lithe and supple, yet suspiciously hairless torso, the segment was further populated by gratuitous shots of a nearly-nude Michael Phelps. Everywhere from his iconic gold medal shoot for the cover of People Magazine to the diving platform where we watched him jiggle his jellyfish arm muscles all summer long, Phelps continues to flaunt his fabulous-yet-freaky frame. However, without the CNN silver fox adding to the wet dream, we’re afraid more exposure from Phelps would have been a non-event at this point… not that we don’t relish the morning wood we receive every morning while pouring ourselves that bowl of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes. Below, check out some stills from the sexy Sunday evening news story.