I Went to Pineapple Cabaret, Laughed, Drank, and Got Laid

Anyone can go to a bar in WeHo and score (this might require the lowering of one’s standards, but still). But there’s a special charge in going to a bar in West Hollywood on a Tuesday night and getting laid.

It’s even better when the event is for porn stars.

Of course, a porn star sighting in WeHo is like seeing Michael Boston take a big dick—you pretty much expect it at any time of day. But the Pineapple Pride Cabaret at Micky’s on June 18th was special. First of all, the guys were there to mingle and chat (very approachable, very hunks of the people) for a good cause: fundraising for Pineapple Support. But with a smaller crowd than the usual wall-to-wall bodies on a Saturday night, you actually had a chance to not only ogle the stars in the flesh but also interact with them.

Event or not, Tuesdays are for ‘tinis and so I sipped my customary two (to quote Dorothy Parker, “Three I’m under the table. Four I’m under the host”) and then wandered over to watch a special live taping of Discretion Advised with John Hill and Marc MacNamara. The dynamic duo spent the hour before the event’s start chatting with the night’s guests, including Real Housewives of the OC star Gina Kirschenheiter, Pineapple Support’s Jamila Dawson, and photographer Dexter Brown, as well as McMichaels, Bambi, and Valentino. (This episode comes out Tuesday, July 2 on YouTube and wherever you get podcasts.)

Both men are as handsome and charming in person as you’d hope, and the episode promises to be a great one. But the real thrill was waiting downstairs, where the porn elite and those who love them sipped cocktails and chatted in front of the step and repeat. (As usual, I held court in the smoking area. Not that I smoke that much, only as much as one can with just two hands.)

The evening ran the full gamut of the gay experience, from conversations on the patio about Auntie Mame to Tony Genius wearing an assless jumpsuit (and showing a remarkable ability to remain unruffled by passing ass grabs). Perhaps the best exemplar of just how much range was at Micky’s that night came courtesy of burlesque headliner Raquel Starr, who brought down the house singing “Why Don’t You Do Right (Get Me Some Money Too)” in a revealing black dress and a large feather boa before returning to the stage to sing an old-timey version of Britney Spears’ “Toxic.” These are the moments that make life worth living, particularly in Pride month.

Not to mention chatting Bob Fosse’s All That Jazz with Craig MacNeil (host of the Craig and Friends podcast) and punk music with Falcon | NakedSword President and CEO Tim Valenti (the man who pays the bills around here). And all of that was before the show.

Hosted by Morgan McMichaels (“The look is very Rita Hayworth,” I told her, prompting her to recreate Rita’s famous hair flip entrance from Gilda), Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence icon Sister Roma, and award-winning gay porn director Marc MacNamara, the event started late but still early for a gay event and attracted a bevy of beautiful people both onstage and off. 

The performers performed, including a stand-up set from Drew Valentino (who is getting increasingly great at it), two songs from John Hill (one of them was an original song based on Tiffany “New York” Pollard’s memed rant about Gemma Collins “Gemma (Pretty Much I)”), Gemini Dai (aka Dakota Payne) performing Kim Petras’ “Treat Me Like a Slut,” and Bambi’s lip sync to Ariana Grande’s “The Boy is Mine.”

While the show slayed in the room, the revelers outside also had a great time, starting with the appearance of Joel Someone and King Dwarf in matching jumpsuits — like a horny Mario and Luigi, prompting a couple of power-ups among the crowd, if you get my gay drift. 

Melbourne Twink bopped among the crowd, charming everyone and being a general slender delight. (God, to be that young and eager again!) But the highlight of the night might have come courtesy of Marc MacNamara, who brought his Fame Games to the stage, getting Cole Connor to do a fake orgasm contest before having Real Housewife Gina K play “On Tits-play,” during which Gina had to guess if a zoomed-in photo was of an image of a gay porn star’s ass or a Real Housewife’s cleavage. Leave your wrinkle jokes at the door, please, we try to keep it classy here.

Bambi closed out the show with a performance of Celine Dion’s “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now,” which a handsome gentleman informed me is actually a cover; Pandora’s Box recorded it first (and Meat Loaf was legally barred from recording it, which is a whole other story). I had the bad grace to fact-check him on Google at the bar. He had the decency to ignore it, offer me a drink ticket, and then a ride home. 

What happens off the clock stays off the record, of course (for now), but a lot more was raised that night than well-deserved funds for Pineapple Support.

And about that: Presented by Falcon | NakedSword, Mr. Man, and FansFuel, the 2024 Pineapple Pride Cabaret was Falcon | NakedSword’s fourth annual fundraiser for PineappleSupport.org, a nonprofit dedicated to providing free and subsidized mental health services to the adult industry.

Along with the Presenting Sponsors of Falcon | NakedSword, Mr. Man, and FansFuel, the event was made possible by Platinum Sponsors ASGmax, Flirt4Free, and SayUncle as well as Gold Sponsors AEBN, QueerCrush, MENatPLAY, Streammate, GayVN, and XBIZ. Falcon | NakedSword thanks these organizations for donating to this year’s fundraising efforts.

There, I got that out of the way. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a man waiting for me in the other room….