We homos are a lot luckier than our breeder counterparts. We can get laid whenever we want, while straight men are cursed with the need to exchange first names, to buy expensive dinners before sex and to reassure women, "Fucking me won’t make you a whore."

But with all our gloryholes, boozey backrooms, subtly stretched-out cock pics and profiles sorted by distance, we’re missing something I think, and that’s the ability to seduce each other the old-fashioned way, with charm, social grace and alpha-male confidence.

Enter the seduction community, an underground coalition of vadge-chasers who will pay $2,000 to attend a weekend seduction seminar and who can only talk about flirting in basement-nerd shorthand like "Kino" (touching) and "Negs" (back-handed compliments). That all sounds pretty stupid, but I think it’s also pretty stupid when gay men are incapable of appraoching men unless they’re sitting behind a screenname or a plywood partition.

Granted, charm is not as important for gay men to learn as it is for straight men to learn. Women care about things like personalities. Homos are mostly looking for nice bodies and thick cocks.  However, as unpalatable as these straight pick-up artists may seem (remember Mystery?), I think that we could do well to observe some of the well-honed seduction tactics of our labia-obsessed brethren, particularly when it comes to bedding men who are out of our league, or landing those rare gay men who like their penises with a side of charm.

In short, the challenge for straight men is to get laid period. The challenge for gay men is to be as slutty as they already are, only with even hotter guys.

You already knew that good game involved confidence. But did you know that confidence is something you can fake? Try this: the next time you see a hot guy who isn’t likely to beat you up, make eye contact and force yourself to maintain that eye contact until he looks away. Treat it like a game; you look away first, you lose. You’ll feel like a troll, but he’ll be intrigued with the confident fucker who just stared him down and didn’t relent. Unless he’s completely out of your league, in which case, yeah, he’ll think you’re a troll.

There’s no news today, by the way. I’m not going to post the video of a 6th grader singing Lady Gaga. If the eye contact strategy appeals to you, there are a lot more "fake it ’til you make it" charmer techniques where that came from. Start here and here.

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