Getting Your Gay Dollar's Worth Out of 'Grand Theft Auto IV'

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In this latest outing of the Grand Theft Auto game franchise, you play the role of Niko Bellic, a Serbian immigrant who comes to America to find “the American Dream,” but ends up turning to a life of crime to make ends meet.

Grand Theft Auto IV is a mission-based, open-world game where players can chose to follow the main plot and its various branches or just roam around the city and see what trouble can be found on your own. With its free roaming type of gameplay, the game can take as many hours to complete as you want, and there are plenty of chances both to run into offensive characters and situations, and to explore the gayer sides of Liberty City:

– Right near your house is a bar called Jizzy Jim’s. Sadly you can’t go in, but you gotta wonder what goes on behind those doors.

– Eventually you can unlock a special outfit that consists of nothing but underwear. And who doesn’t like to watch scantily clad, muscley dudes shooting guns in their skivvies?

– There are several internet cafe where you can spend time cruising the Liberty City internet. One of the sites is called “Craplist.net,” an obvious take on craigslist. The “men seeking men” and “missed opportunities” sections are chock full of funnies.

– The same internet will provide you access to a dating site that contains several gay and “questioning” ads for you to answer to. In the end, none of these guys will actually date you, but it’s fun to answer the ads and see what they have to say back.

– SPOILER ALERT: There is a gay mission you can go on called “Out of the Closet.” In it, you are sent to kill a man known as “French Tom” because, like everyone else in this game, French Tom owes someone money. You can make a date with him via “Love Meet,” an internet dating site. Your cousin sets up a fake gay personals ad for you and you can then respond to French Tom’s ad. You then meet the target at the appointed time and well, I’m sure you can guess what comes next.

– Later in the game you meet up with an old friend of Niko’s named Florian Cravic, who wants to be called Bernie. Bernie came from “the old country” to better himself and also be his true self, which is apparently very, very gay. (“I’m a lifestyle coach,” Bernie says, “And an aerobics instructor.”) You can choose to help him out with a couple quests including taking out some gay bashers in the park (see clip below) and stopping the blackmailing of Bernie’s secret boyfriend who just happens to be a closeted politico.

– Finally, there’s the shopping. Sure it’s cliche, but the gays especially love to shop virtually. Let’s face it, Niko could really use a fashion upgrade so leave it to your innate sense of style to help the poor guy at least dress decently. Unfortunately, nothing’s going to help that face — but what about a tailored suit? Or perhaps a rainbow hoodie!