In an entry posted to his blog today, porn mogul/performer Collin O’Neal writes what basically could be my life story: a love of Jagermeister, passing out drunk in bushes, getting into fights with people, feeling fat, and being depressed. In fact, the only difference between me and Collin is that he’s trying to lose weight, cut back on the drinks, and be a better person. Ugh bring a book!
Kidding (not really). Here’s Collin revealing his new take on life to his readers:
I have always been a social drinker. When I was in my early 20′s I limited drinks out and about to 2 per night. Why did I increase past that rate of consumption? Well, I have a dark secret that I am sure many of you deal with. It’s called depression. I battled chronic depression when I first moved to Miami 14 years ago. I was not happy with anything…really, anything. Back then I took my anger out at the gym, thus, that is how I built my body. Starting about 5 years ago though, ironically when I started my own porn company, I had many ups and downs as with anyone starting their own business wanting their business to take off quickly. Bouts of depression compounded with easy access to free alcohol when I went out compromised my healthy balance of 2 to 3 drinks. About one year ago I was in a dispute with a contractor, had a bad car accident, and was dealing with several issues with my business partner and all of that led to heavy social drinking.
The concoction that really threw me over was sugar-free Red Bull with Jagermeister. And I must not forget my love affair of Kettle One with Apple Pucker. Because I didn’t have to wake up at a certain time to go to work, I was going out and downing alcohol like no tomorrow.
So what happened to make me stop? Well, I came back from my Australia-Europe 3 month long trip to my home in Miami Beach and the first night I wandered out to 2 different bars sucking up free drinks left and right. I remember it was one last Jager and Red Bull that threw me over. I stumbled out onto Lincoln Road and made it about 1 block before I plopped myself comfortably into the bushes to sleep off my alcohol induced dizzy buzz. The next morning during the 6am walk home (still drunk) I promised myself I would not drink like that again. Not only was the alcohol adding to my battle of the bulge, but it was also not covering up my depression very well and the next morning (well, more like afternoon) was not such a happy experience either.If you see me out now with a drink, you should know I am limiting my drinks and very conscious of my condition. Since I started giving up liquor I have noticed I have been happier and it has been much easier to lose that girth around my waist.
[Collin O’Neal: The Battle Of The Bulge]
Yes, I used alcohol to cover up a bunch of issues, especially depression. The funny thing is that alcohol can usually instigate or increase depression.
I am very anti-drug, but because of my own alcohol abuse issues, I have a great understanding for people who use drugs to cover up personal issues.
I still struggle with acute depression, but I use other methods to deal with it rather than going out and getting blasted.
You guys are seriously missing the point. The “dark secret” isnt that he likes girly drinks, but that he drinks to cope with depression. Geeze.
Seriously that is some sugary crap drinks. Apple Pucker? Yech. Have a real cocktail with quality gin or bourbon and have a glass of water between each drink.
I was expecting him to say the he would drink straight vodka from the bottle or tequila like it was water. Didn’t know he was a girl-drink-drunk.
I can relate. I suffer from clinical depression that varies from severe to moderate. Alcohol does make it worse but it also makes it better in the short term. Talk about a vicious circle. I find my consumption level rises as my feelings of isolation and desolation increase. More power to Colin for recognizing the cause and effect and doing something about it. I wish I had that strength.