The Ten Worst Gay Porn Star Names Of All Time

After the discovery of Mike Matters this week, it seemed only fair to point out all the other unfortunately-named porn stars who paved the way before him. No offense, guys (and how could you take offense, these aren’t your real names!), but what the fuck? Seriously.

 

Here then, The Sword’s ten favorite most awful gay porn star names of all time.

 

 

 

dylanmc-2

10. Dylan McLovin
He’s since changed his name to Dylan Roberts (thank god), but when I see a “Mc” in front of anything, I picture McNuggets, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing!

jason_crystal_gay-porn_2a

9. Kay Tatsahiko
AKA Jason Crystal, Jason Kayz, Kay, Casey, Damien Parks, and so on. He makes the list not because any one of his particular names is so awful, but more so because he’s just awful. Kidding! He’s fine.

danger

8. Danger
Wow. Really? Wow.

babystar2120

7. Baby Star
The most frustrating entry on the list. How can I hate the name of someone so impossibly adorable? Well, sorry, but the last thing I want to think about when I’m watching gay porn is a baby.

dcota1

6. Dcota
Pat! I’d like to buy a vowel.

girthbrooks

5. Girth Brooks
Ha ha ha ha ha. Get it, because his cock his thick? No. Just no.

mandingo2

4. Mandingo
Mandingo was one of Falcon’s earliest stars. And did you know that Mandingo can refer to a member of one of the largest ethnic groups in West Africa, a slang term for a black man with a huge penis, or a slave’s name in the eponymous 1975 film and novel upon which it was based? How could you not make this your porn name?

kellytaylor

3. Kelly Taylor
I guess it’s better than Andrea Zuckerman!

dredscott

2. Dred Scott
Here’s an idea: Why not name yourself after the historic Supreme Court ruling that upheld slavery in the United States? Sexy.

tiger1

1. Tiger Stripe
Not just Tiger. Tiger Stripe. I’m not kidding.

The End.

 

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22 Responses to “The Ten Worst Gay Porn Star Names Of All Time”

  1. Amer says:

    Danger’s penis scares me :S

  2. Mike says:

    I always thought “Chris Rock” was a horrible choice for a guy in the 90s who was good looking white/asian mostly bottom performer who worked with everyone from Hot House to All Worlds. Mostly because any search for him online got you the very popular black skinny Chris Rock from Saturday Night Live at the time. And I had to email agent Peter Scott back in the day about how he thought he was going to get away with “Tommy Cruise” for his Tom Cruise lookalike, but he said he would and he did. Remember back then even thinking TommyGirl was gay got you sued.

    • Have you ever tried to google Samuel Colt?
      Do it.
      it’s the same idea.

    • Chris Rock says:

      Hahahaha…this is Chris Rock and it was not me who gave me the stage name. Blame Centaur director Chip Daniels for that. In “Forced Service” back in 1997, I played “Drill Sergeant Rock” and Chip said I look like a “Chris”, hence the namesake. It has actually worked to my advantage because that was then, this is now and I don’t want to be linked to the fun I had back then. The anonymity is great! But thanks for thinking of me Mike! Thirteen years is a long time, bro.

  3. I'm Over It says:

    Gut Banga, Cock Diesel, Lil’ Homey. I’m black so I can this, but 99% of thug porn (non-mainstream black) performers have ridiculous names. You can add Active Duty’s Mason Dixon to the list. Whatever you do, don’t say ANYTHING about him to the MOC blog.

  4. aiden says:

    i can’t…

  5. Fred says:

    C’mon baby star (yeah the name is ridiculous) is one of the best (if not THE best) twink latino bottom boys around. I’m madly in luv with him.
    Nope he does NOT belong there

  6. Andrea Zuckerman says:

    Haha but you forgot the very worst… Fyerfli.

  7. Jess says:

    How about everyone’s favorite… porn superstar Tre Xavier! How faux exotic.

  8. Eat Me says:

    “Max Diesel” didnt make this list? come on Sword!

  9. cubbyhole says:

    …& don’t forget Mason Jarr !!!
    ps : still in love with him after all these years .

  10. J says:

    Chase Coxxx is a bit of a strange one.

  11. J says:

    Wow – I’ve just been to thugboy.com and I think Baby Star is one of the LESS stupid names on there. I came across these ones before I got bored of typing:

    pnetraytor, cockasauris 2, pinky towers, nutilicious, lulu, body, apple bottom, 69, rhino, raymond usher, twisted, sexy thuggin, black n mild, black cherry, kapacity, pretty ass, tarzan, royalty, nailz, corporate, passion prestige.

    Also, Daddy Muggs did a scene with a guy called “Hallway” (what?)

  12. butch says:

    you fools .. dred scott was the first to understand on how the courts supposedly worked,and its ways.. just think writer of the list .. a smart black man at that time? who not only was smart, but brave and sociologically in depth to the white mans mental and mentality.. and he actually got as far as a trial… shit the porn industry is just now giving gay black men there respectful do’s around and in porn… to bad its this homo thug bull.. dont get me started about the hole skinn head opennis, ew thats so hot sickness .. only fags would except rascist symbolism and attire ….. and yes i know the history of sinn heads .. just like i know the history of the clan, and dont forget republicans .. they were actually for abolishing slavery … check ya necks my gay brothas and sistas.. D.scott

  13. J says:

    Roxy Red!

    More so because I live in Salford near Manchester, UK and there’s this ultra-right-wing, homophobic, religious nut here, called Richard Carvath, and he tried to run for MP, and gets into some hilarious trolling on local websites, using very obvious multiple-sock-puppet accounts to post comments in his own favour.

    Anyway, one of his main pseudonyms is “Roxy Redpants” and I just found it kind of odd that a rabidly homophobic religious nut and a 19y/o, half-filipino, very femmy twink porn star should have chosen almost the exact same name.

    • J says:

      It seems like when you type a word (or a string of hyphenated words) more than 15 characters long, it puts a random space in. Hmmmn, it’s not a major thing.

  14. J says:

    I’ve just been to that Tiger Stripe Wikipedia page and I think “All Rise: Hung Jury” is a hilarious name for a porn film.

  15. Chris Rock says:

    Hi, Chris Rock here! You can chalk up the horrible name moniker to director Chip Daniels from Centaur films. My first video shot in December 1996 with Centaur was “Forced Service” where I played a drill instructor named Sergeant Rock. Chip said to me, “you look like a ‘Chris’ for a first name” and hence, the “Chris Rock” name. I guess we were all ignorami to know that the skinny, black comedian of SNL fame would definitely overshadow (or even sue me) for the name! So Mike, that was the origin. You obviously knew my agent back then, Peter Scott of Southwest Management from Vegas, and you are one of the very very few that know that I am half asian. So my curiosity is piqued….who are you? Tommy Cruise was a friend and compadre of mine back then too (we were on the same shoot of Forum’s “Before and After”). So here it is winter of 2010, I am 47 and relish the fact that nobody can Google my porn history cuz of good ole Chris Rock. My family has not a clue either, which worked out for me just fine!!!!

  16. J says:

    I don’t know why I’m bothering to comment on this months old thread when no one will ever see it but how could I forget?

    Skyelr Bleu (Yes, that’s how he spells his first name).

  17. Dan says:

    I don’t like Girth Brooks because hes never been hard in the one video I’ve seen him in. I have no tolerance for a limp top in porn. I watch porn to get off and nothing is more frustrating to me than to watch a actor try and stuff a limp dick in the bottom. You get one chance to impress me and if you cant i quit watching, there are plenty of performers out there that can.

  18. J says:

    Paul Pratt and Steven Ponce. I don’t know if prat and ponce have different meanings in the US that they do in the UK, but the way it sounds here they might as well have called themselves Paul Twerp and Steven Fairy. I’m just copying and pasting here:

    ————————————————————————————

    prat [præt]
    n
    Slang an incompetent or ineffectual person: often used as a term of abuse

    ponce (plural ponces)
    (UK, pejorative) A posh or effeminate person.

    ————————————————————————————

    Paul Pratt is hot too but his website’s called “prattporn.com” and he likes to call his fans the “Pratt Pack”.

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