RIP: Arpad Miklos Commits Suicide In New York


Arpad Miklos, the prolific gay porn star who appeared in over 100 films and scenes for virtually every single gay porn studio over the past 15 years, committed suicide last Sunday night. He was 45 years old.

The Hungarian-born performer’s first work was for Kristen Bjorn in 1995. From there, he went on to work with Falcon, Hot House, Colt, Raging Stallion, and countless others. In 2009, he courted controversy by appearing in his first “straight for pay” scene, in which he had sex with a woman.

Miklos was openly gay, and in 2010 was the model used on BUTT magazine beach towels sold at American Apparel. A portion of the proceeds from the sale of each towel was donated to the Ali Forney Center.

The news of Arpad Miklos’ suicide was shared by a friend in a webcast hosted by publicist Howard Bragman.

Miklos’ suicide follows the equally tragic deaths of performer Josh Weston in December and director John Bruno in January. The Grabby, GayVN, and Hookie winning performer was known for his bearish and brooding good looks, which were of course belied by his gentle and sweet disposition.

Miklos was somewhat well known outside of porn, having gained considerable attention for his appearance in a music video for indie band Perfume Genius.

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67 Responses to “RIP: Arpad Miklos Commits Suicide In New York”

  1. Mike says:

    This comment section will be good reading today.

    • Tony says:

      Good reading? You’re sick! The news of suicide is not “entertainment value” nor are the negative comments.For whatever reasons this very attractive man took his own life.

      RIP Arpad Miklos.

      • Hugh says:

        The sarcasm was in poor taste, but he’s not off. Nobody loves to ‘hate-type’ more than the commenters on porn blogs. Hopefully the comments of condolences will outweigh the usual round of cynicism.

        I’m just surprised Towleroad caught this before the porn blogs. The other ones still haven’t posted the story.

  2. Steven Scarecrow says:

    We need to make “It Gets Better” videos for Porn Stars and Industry people. Suicide is a very permanent solution to a temporary problem. It is never the right solution. Rest well Arpad. You were a sweet gentle man. 45 is too young.

    • TK says:

      It’s not the industry that needs it, its the community. You can do porn and not be depressed, but it’s hard to be gay these days without someone trying to make you feel bad about yourself.

      RIP Arpad.

  3. Steve454 says:

    I first got to know about Arpad thru Kristen Bjorn films so many years ago (saw every one of them). Back then, I thought he was the most beautiful specimens of manhood with a perfect cock. I don’t really know much about him, but have followed him thru the years. He always seemed like a really sweet guy, and for some reason, I had no problem that he was an exclusive top. He could be sweet and raunchy, but never over the top. He was a class act, and I’ll miss him greatly. RIP.

  4. JackNasty says:


  5. Johnny says:

    I wonder how many porn stars have to kill themselves before the industry stops treating them like crap.

    • just a regular joe says:

      You get what you put out…so to speak. It truly is this simple, you channel the life you lead based on your behavior. Don’t mistake my words for karma. That is not what I’m suggesting here. This is not retribution or punishment… because really who deserves it? This is perception and reality.

      If you are a jerk and treat people like crap, then you get treated like crap.

      If you think you are better than some people, then you are going to be looked at the same.

      If you are indifferent to someone who loves you, then someone will be indifferent to you.

      I’m not sure why people look to memorialize Arpad, who didn’t really mean much to them except to ejaculate to. And it was the way he wanted to be looked at… as such, he briefly got what he wanted, validation and some form of love. But eventually those things eluded him and left him heartbroken.

      A few years ago post breakup, he wrote disparagingly on his big muscle profile about feeling completely alone. No one paid attention to this cry. He was very depressed. I felt sad for him, and sympathized. I wanted to help, but had no means to. I was an observer. Someone outside. I couldn’t do anything. After all, he chose the life he led, and he “dated” the men he wanted. For the rest of us, he wouldn’t have turned his head to look at. This is the life of a sex object. Fleeting, and short. Either they die young, or grow old in obscurity. I’m sure Arpad considered both ends before making a final choice. Life is cruel that way.

      In life, the level for which you rise to is always dependent on your perception. His options were limited, and future choices were bleak.

      Gandhi once said, “be the change you want to see in the world.”

      This might have been a difficult request for someone who lived this way for so long. Old dogs, new tricks. Too bad I couldn’t have fucked him before the end. He was a beautiful man. After all, Arpad felt his worth was only this and nothing else.

      • dissi says:

        beautifully stated.

        and after, porn seems to be all about false relationships, between the people in it, and between the performers and consumers. once you funnel something as emotionally loaded as sex into something as emotionally stifling as consumerism, the result is entropy. this makes me think “escorting” might be more damaging than shooting porn.

      • smokey D says:

        hey dude! i just wanted to point out that u said “don’t mistake my words for karma,” and followed that statement with a pretty spot-on description of, umm, karma. LOL! I swear I’m not bitching! And I don’t know why of the thousands of comments I’ve read on the Sword, THIS is the one I reply to! But it just made me think about how people tend to think of karma, and meditation, for example, as these airy-fairy (!) concepts, that are actually pretty much as straight forward as they come! Like you said, perception/reality is such a huge factor. It’s not like: “I punch a man in the face today, a man will punch me in the face tomorrow;” it’s the energy you put out: if you’re a miserable fuck, you’re going to repel a lot of positive energy.

        Afterthought: why I am posting this on a porn blog, and not on a “Spirituality” blog is beyond me lol.

        • just a regular joe says:

          My point: It is not divine punishment–like some weirdo fundie would assume so, because he was a gay man/porn performer.

          All I’m saying, is that if Arpad wanted a better life situation, or if wanted to conquer personal demons, he could have done it in a more appropriate fashion. Suicide is never the answer. He could have asked for help, and sought treatment.

          The end.

  6. James says:

    Just cannot believe this. Good lord why? He was stunningly beautiful and he seemed so gentle, even though he was a total top. As someone who has dealt with depression in the past, there is always someone to help. Always. I hope he has found peace. Just so sad. Is is too much to ask that this never happens again? Yea, I know…

    • just a regular joe says:

      Are you kidding? He was a pussy bottom in private. He just needed to play the top dom fantasies of other guys.

      None of you were his friend or lover. So it wasn’t like his death effects you. You don’t have to affect grief anytime someone offs them self.

      Tomorrow morning you all will be going to work, and not really doing anything but the routine, like his death never happened. So don’t kid yourselves.

  7. EdWoody says:

    This surprises me. He never struck me as the type of porn star who was wrestling with deep-seated issues and problems. From what little I knew of him he seemed one of the most level-headed and normal ones. Guess you never can tell.

    So many of the other porn stars who have died recently, I have restrained myself from commenting on, because I would not have had anything good to say. Here I can’t think of anything bad to say, so I have no hesitation in expressing my sadness and condolences to his loved ones.

    • just a regular joe says:

      Yeah, a porn star without “deep-seated issues and problems” are like unicorns. People like to this awesome thing exists, but in reality it is the imagination of tween girls.

      Even if they don’t have it prior to getting into the industry, they certainly get them while in it. So it is a lose-lose situation for the fans. Hope they take their xanax and talk their the shrinks enough. It is a hard ridden life to be in the industry. Constant negative attention…and I am even talking about the kind they might even like. Wink, wink.

  8. ceem says:

    Great news! I was really sad to hear of recent gay porn star deaths, but not of this homophobe!

  9. Dominic Ford says:

    Arpad was the first “star” we ever worked with. He (and Blu Kennedy) were in the first 3D film we ever released. I remember being so impressed with how nice Arpad was, how giving of person he was, and generally how supportive he was to me personally and to our company. We worked with him a couple of times early on, and we saw each other now and again in NYC. The last time was a little over year ago at an event, and I got to express on stage (with him in the audience) how much I owe him for help putting my company on the map, and for his unconditional support for our company, which no one knew about when he worked with us. I am glad I had the chance to tell him just how much he impacted our lives and our company.

    He was a soft teddy bear, had a great heart, and was full of life and passion. My heart goes out to his family and friends. Someone like Arpad only comes around once in a great while. I am honored to have been able to know him at all.

    Rest in peace, Peter,


    • just a regular joe says:

      Suicidal people are selfish. In their action, they leave others behind with grief, questions, and a metaphorical mess.

      Even his note left out the true reason for his choice and cited a justification for the lack of an explanation as that people would judge him…like he would care what others thought after dying…yeah the logic stands. And who would NOT judge a person who commits suicide?

      He could of started with an first apology to his friends, family, and maybe his fans… and then make an case for killing himself. He did neither as he was a self absorbed person.

      I get annoyed when people paint the dead as saintly creatures. They were human and had faults like the rest of us.

      Some have more faults than others.

      And to the rest of you who are reading my statements defensively, you can make all the judgements you want…cause really I know, your thoughts don’t count for shit!!! And that makes me a strong person. My life will continue on without one iota of care for your opinions. It is a shame that Arpad couldn’t do the same, even in his death he couldn’t come to terms with others viewpoints.

      Suicide is never the answer. And others considering it, should stop to think how it could damage other people they should care about.

      • gnormie says:

        I think everyone has the right to punch their own ticket.

        What career opportunities did an aging gay porn star have in life?

        • Nhuixnhuix says:

          Plenty! If they think of themselves as something else than a porn star. Which really they should.

          Because if being a porn star is the beginning and end of your ambition, you are pathetic, naive, delusional and heading for trouble.
          I don’t always agree with Samuel Colt but you should read his Twitter feed today. His main point which I think is right is that porn is OK if you don’t let it define your life – to others and to yourself. He says the main problem pornstars have is that once they have done porn, that’s all people remember of them even decades after their retirement. He rightfully points out that he has a different life and personality outside of porn and the suffering comes when that identity is ignored.
          I can imagine that when a porn star pushes the problem one step further and THEMSELVES forget they have an identity outside of porn, that’s when they may end up going Norma Desmond. But surely enough I’d imagine there are very few people like that and maybe the harshness of the porn world is welcome in that regard : it quickly kills any impression a porn star may have that they are in any way special and can’t be replaced in a whim.
          But to go back to your point, you seriously underestimate porn stars if you think they don’t have plenty to look forward to outside of having sex for money.

          And btw I seriously doubt this was the issue with Miklos. Age or no age, the man still looked great, could have gotten any work he wanted and was a popular in-demand escort. So whatever ailed him, this wasn’t it.

    • just a regular joe says:

      @Dominic Ford: Nice plug on a suicide board! :D omg!

      • Dominic Ford says:

        Sorry you took it that way. I was simply explaining my connection to Arpad and why he was an important person in my life. Wasn’t meant as a plug at all. This is a very sad day for us and a lot of other people. Just adding my voice to the sympathies left here.

        • luke_s says:

          I read your comment. Then I read the comment on your comment. Then I re-read your comment which confirmed, at least to me, there was no plug.

          I’m sorry for your loss. I hope you can keep the good memories alive.

  10. No Way says:

    So sad to hear about his passing. Arpad was and always will be a favorite of mine. I’ll never forget his good looks and the passion he brought to his work. RIP Arpad Miklos!

  11. Damien says:

    A true shame. He was such a nice guy and I don’t think there was one negative thing about him. A true industry professional and an all around great guy. He will be missed.

  12. Mike says:

    Josh Weston, Roman Ragazzi, Erik Rhodes, Adam Faust – They all had porn, depression and one other thing in common. What a sad world these guys worked in. They feast on their own and don’t offer each other the least bit of support. And yet daily we read about another porn site going bareback.

  13. LeNair Xavier says:

    It’s sad. It just shows that the longer you stay in this life, the more it eats you whole.
    It doesn’t have to be that way. However, that’s the way the industry has turned. To where less and less in the porn industry are emotionally well-adjusted, and the sexual praise overshadows seeing the demons that are taking over.

    • just a regular joe says:

      That is abroad generalization, about being in porn. Maybe he was delaying the inevitable, and that porn offered some consolation to the reality that he couldn’t deal with at all.

  14. just a regular joe says:

    This is a porn blog for perverts.

    Really, in honor of those guys, they should have had their bodies left nude in the open casket for their fans to molest.

    • QUICK! Sniff Her Chair While It's Warm says:

      Dude, your fucking ass won’t shut-the-fuck-up. You are obviously a pervert as well.

      • just an average joe says:

        Really!?! Did I say otherwise? Um no.

        I’m not giving statements suggesting otherwise. I think the concept of RIP in memoriam pieces are silly on porn blogs let alone on other entertainment based forums.

        BTW, I would be saying the same thing about the section of award shows were they show the images of dead stars or directors.

        Likewise, if you want to memorialize someone, how about the thousands who were killed in action during their stay in Afghanistan or Iraq? This is what happens when american value systems get fucked up…and become entertainment based. We get en memoriam during Oscars, but don’t get the names of dead soldiers on news broadcasts. Something is amiss.

  15. Bill says:

    RIP Arpad. May your troubled soul be at peace.

  16. Ronnie says:

    It is very sad when anyone takes their own life. There are plenty of men in the gay community who do every year. Most of them feel depressed as they don’t feel valued beyond their physical appearance, their body, or size of their dick. In the adult industry, it’s even worse because they have put themselves out to the public as fantasies and in the beginning, there is a thrill, but after a while it is hard to sustain. I have had a couple of friends who used to work in the industry but left and moved on but not before battling drug and alcohol issues and self-esteem issues. I was able to get them both the help they needed because they wanted it and asked me to. Now they both live outside of big cities and work regular jobs with the new partners they found. With all the community does with advertising about safer sex and HIV, more support is needed for those in and out of the industry to fight depression and help gay men value themselves beyond the physical. I wish that Arpad, John Bruno, Roman Ragazzi and others had that help.

  17. Karen Smith says:

    I’m sad. :( RIP Mate.

  18. Marty says:

    That’s sad. I think it takes a troubled person to do porn, escort and even (like many of us) whore around for free. It all boils down to low self worth, get some good friends and a good guy who will love you. I imagine the biz is full or nasty people and can make you feel horrible and isolated.

    • Nhuixnhuix says:

      The WORLD is full of nasty people that can make you feel horrible and isolated.

    • gnormie says:

      I was expecting someone else was going to make a snide comment about him doing that straight scene a couple years back and how he wasn’t really gay.

      • Nhuixnhuix says:

        And I was expecting someone to make a reference to the fact he has been a periennal presence on 95% of Internet porn commenters’ “Top I wish would bottom” list.

      • ceem says:

        He wasn’t gay. He found gay sex degrading, that’s why he fucked woman bareback but not man, and never bottomed! Such a self-hater! No wonder he killed himself!

  19. Marty says:

    And that scene with him and Zach Randall is one of the hottest scenes I have ever seen

  20. half porco says:

    Very sad !! Loved him.

  21. luke_s says:

    Yet another senseless suicide.

    Do these performers consider themselves damaged goods beyond redemption? Why don’t they reach out to friends? Do they believe they have no true friends? Is it because they’re surrounded by sex and drug obsessed sycophants who use them for their own selfish means?

    I don’t blame porn per say. The business takes you as you are and for what you put into it.

    I think the real soulless aspect is escorting. From what I’ve read, some of these guys will do anything in private for big bucks. Rhodes certainly exposed some degrading scenes that he was willing to endure for the money; fucked by a group of men for 8 to 10 hours, ‘but I left $5000 richer’. Degrading yourself for money has to take a toll and drugs only dulls the pain and reality.

    I’m sorry to read about Miklos. I wish he had reached out to someone and I’m sorry he didn’t.

    My regards to his family.

    • just an average joe says:

      Miklos didn’t take a dime, if it meant bottoming. So I’m assuming that meant he wasn’t that desperate to begin with.

      Broad generalizations are abound here.

    • gnormie says:

      I question the sanity of any man who escorts.

      With women I feel a little bad because I’m naive and think almost all of them are being exploited and because they have no job skills so they just resort to the oldest profession in the world and sell their snatch. But the idea that men willingly chose to degrade themselves like this is beyond pathetic. Male prostitutes are just skeevy parasites too lazy to work a real job for a living.

      • just an average joe says:

        Why question sanity of an escort? Why stop there? Why not question the sanity of the average porn consumer? — many fundie Christians do!

  22. Absurdist says:

    Perhaps apropos of nothing, but when did Arpad pull his website down?

  23. DD says:

    RIP Aprad. You co-star in one of my favorites scenes of all time with Shay Michaels on Cocksure.

  24. Skippy says:

    It doesn’t always have to be some big to do, some people would just prefer to die young. Some people want to live forever, some see no appeal in it. He made his choice.

  25. Robert says:

    Never cared for him… he should of left porn a long time ago..also a while back he made a racist comment regarding blk gay men in porn…having sex on camera and escorting was his choice…RIP

  26. Dash says:

    This is soo incredibly sad news to read. He was definitely one of my favorite porn stars as was Erik Rhodes. I really wish we as a community would look out for each other a lot more and not be as judgmental on one another.

  27. Almir says:

    Are there any details on how Arpad killed himself? As a gay activist in the community I think it is important to know to help with prevention efforts.

  28. Mike says:

    I’m not here to judge or tell anybody what to do. Quite frankly, I could care less what you people do with your lives! Being in porn has consequences. This is a fact. Look at all the porn stars from the 80′s and 90′s who are dead. Quite a few. And even today in 2013 porn actors seem to be dropping like flies. Easy money is seductive but I really wonder if its worth it in the long run?

  29. Luke says:

    Roman and Arpad were both boyfriends of Collin O’ Neal?

  30. PointlessLives says:

    So gay kids kill themselves and 45 year old gay men kill themselves. I wonder why this is?

  31. Almir says:

    Are there any more details that have surfaced on how he committed suicide to prevent other occurrences in the community. I also think now time is best spent memorializing Arpad rather than tearing him down via comments of these boards.

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