Hoax: Was Notre Dame Football Star Manti Te’o Secretly Fucking A Gay Porn Star?

mantijake

Heisman Trophy finalist and Notre Dame football star Manti Te’o’s entire personal life has been under the microscope since Deadspin’s shocking exposé revealed that Te’o’s dead girlfriend never actually died, and that she also never existed at all. But what if Te’o’s fake girlfriend was actually a gay porn star?

Lingering questions over the elaborate hoax—was Te’o in on it, and if not, who created the online profiles for the fake girlfriend?—have yet to be answered, but perhaps the biggest question of all is this: Did Manti Te’o fabricate a fake girlfriend in order to hide the fact that he was actually fucking a gay porn star?

So many highly reliable blogs and bloggers are rightfully and responsibly wondering essentially the exact same thing about Te’o today. Even though his grandmother actually did die and even though he is still claiming to have been the victim of an online girlfriend hoax, everyone can see through his closeted lies. Because after all, if Te’o didn’t have a real girlfriend, he was almost certainly fucking a gay porn star. After all, any straight man who doesn’t have a real girlfriend is probably secretly fucking a gay porn star.

And at the end of the day, if there’s one thing that all hoaxes have in common, it’s a gay porn star. Here are the five most likely gay porn stars that Manti Te’o was secretly fucking:

AUSTIN WILDE: Manti Te’o figured that no one would suspect he’d go for such a highly visible star like Wilde. Did the reverse psychology pay off? Not if it’s true and I just exposed it. More than likely, Manti Te’o was secretly fucking Austin Wilde.

MARC DYLAN: Many have been wondering just where in the world gay porn superstar Marc Dylan has been lately. Well, now we know. More than likely, Manti Te’o was secretly fucking Marc Dylan.

BRENT EVERETT: Many have been wondering just where in the world gay porn superstar Brent Everett has been lately. Has he really been living in the Turks and Caicos Islands all this time? Nope. More than likely, Manti Te’o was secretly fucking Brent Everett.

ERIK RHODES: In perhaps the most surprising twist of all, what if Erik Rhodes had never died last year, and instead had faked his own death as a hoax so that he could help his secret lover Manti Te’o cover up the hoax involving his fake dead girlfriend who never died. More than likely, Manti Te’o was secretly fucking Erik Rhodes.

JAKE LYONS: In perhaps the most surprising twist of all, what if Jake Lyons’ conversion to heterosexuality was itself an elaborate hoax so that he could help his secret lover Manti Te’o cover up the hoax involving his fake dead girlfriend who never died. More than likely, Manti Te’o was secretly fucking Jake Lyons.

 

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17 Responses to “Hoax: Was Notre Dame Football Star Manti Te’o Secretly Fucking A Gay Porn Star?”

  1. ceem says:

    I feel so ashamed that guy is playing for our team. And no i don’t mean Notre Dame. If he ever does gay porn, he should be paired with Cody Cummings.

  2. Tony says:

    I think the wounds are still a little too raw to bring up Erik Rhodes

    • TrueWords says:

      What wounds Erik dead as he lived in a blaze of glory….

      • Tony says:

        You know, he has a brother and friends who are no doubt still hurting.

        • sxg says:

          Very true but I personally believe wherever Erik/James is and he has the ability to see this, then he’s laughing his ass off at this very moment. The man always had a great sense of humor, and I’m sure his friends and family who know him best might believe he would be laughing as well. Just my opinion on the subject.

          Also I never thought about the gay theory. I think he’s a hot guy. He’s big and beefy and muscular, not to mention young and has an attractive face. Also, how do we know that the secret porn star boyfriend isn’t fucking him? I see him being more submissive in bed.

  3. No ..... says:

    …he wasn’t fucking a gay porn star at all. More than likely, Manti Te’o was secretly fucking the male ‘friend’ that has already been tied to “the hoax”…..

  4. T-Bird says:

    Tongue in cheek or not really Erik Rhodes ? Come on.

  5. A.C. says:

    I am inclined to believe that there is something far less sensational afoot. I could be convinced that this might have been a coping mechanism he used to deal with a unresolved or painful issue. It is very common for children, and some adults, to create entire elaborate scenarios to cope with grief, stress, and a raft of other emotional issues that they are either incapable or unwilling to process in a healthy manner. It could also be that he is socially retarded in some way and despite the fact that he is surrounded by women on a daily basis he does not know how to relate to them (Dr. Koothrappali syndrome). Creating this character could have been his way of fitting in without having to engage an actual female. Admittedly though, he could just be gay. Whatever his motivation is I am struck by the irresponsibility of the bloggers Zach references because of the way that they have so exaggerated mere speculation. If he is indeed gay then this would be a horrible way to be outed and would be disturbing to me, if not offensive.

    As for the J.E. Naughtin reference, I was initially taken aback by it and thought it was calloused. When I thought about it for a second though I realized that Zach was once again playing genius. There have been some in the blogosphere (namely at datalounge) that have speculated that James is not dead but in hiding somewhere remote. That his death is nothing more than a hoax. His brother makes mention of that in one of his posts on his tumblr page. I believe that Zach was cleverly comparing the absurdity of the Te’o speculation with the ridiculousness of the J.E. Naughtin hoax theory. The same is true of Brent Everett and Marc Dylan. Of course Zach knows where they are, but others have speculated about the reasons for their absence – none of which are true. I cannot explain the Austin Wilde reference other than Zach wanting to t-off all of the readers who loathe the continuing references to Wilde and Romero. Jake Lyons, well, I am clueless about that one.

  6. robirob says:

    Maybe it was a failed attempt of ChiChi LaRue tricking a celebrity to become his new exclusive claiming that the fake girl’s leukemia can only be cured when he takes dicks up his ass on camera?

  7. A.C. says:

    I would also like to point out that he was a Heisman trophy contender and this story might have been ginned up to create sympathy for him in a tight race for the award. Again, I think that there is something less sensational afoot; we could have another Lance Armstrong on our hands and what that says about the state of professional sports is sad to say the least.

  8. ricci says:

    totally wrong : why has no one thought of him taking it up the ass, he’s no top, he’s a sucker for dick in his tush, at least my gaydar says

  9. SkittleFitz says:

    Anything with Jake Lyons in it is a conspiracy.

  10. Asenath says:

    I’m just pissed that Notre Dame/Sports Media seem to have investigated this with more effort than they ever investigated rape culture among the athletes at their school, as epitomized by the Lizzie Seeburg case.

  11. Jerry says:

    NO ONE secretly fucks a gay porn star. A great many may fuck gay porn stars, but the “secretly” part just doesn’t happen.

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