Exclusive: The Erik Rhodes Interview

Why he’s really stayed with Falcon Studios all these years, why he really hates Diesel Washington, what really happened with his adult circumcision, how he’s really handling the recent split with his boyfriend, and why there was blood pouring out of his asshole over the weekend. Really.

In the age of XTube, fledgling adult studios, and interchangeable models known more for their off-screen drama than their on-screen performances, Erik Rhodes has become one of the last remaining true gay porn “stars.” His body of work spans the past eight years (a lifetime in gay porn), going back to 2004’s Flesh from Studio 2000. Shortly thereafter, he made Super Soaked for Falcon, and has remained exclusive with that studio ever since.

His own fair share of off-camera antics notwithstanding, Rhodes’ prolific career as a musclebound fuck machine speaks for itself, as does Rhodes himself in his first-ever Sword interview.

The Sword: First, I have to wish you a happy birthday since you turned 30 this month. What did you do to celebrate?
Erik Rhodes: I had a quick lunch with my twin brother since he is the last important person in my life, and we obviously share the birthday together. Later, after “working” I chose to let a client take me out to dinner. I think he felt sorry me. What pathetic piece of shit would celebrate such a milestone birthday being a hooker? Basically, I just tried to make it as uneventful as possible.

So you do escort? I wasn’t sure.
Yeah, escorting has always been an extra way to pay the bills. But I’m no professional and I still need to really mentally prepare myself before meeting Johns. I find it almost impossible without prescription drugs, and I need to turn down clients constantly if I can’t get myself into that frame of mind. Sometimes it’s hard to live up to the “Erik Rhodes” image.

And what do you think the Erik Rhodes image is?
I’m not sure…I have a fear of letting people down. I’m not sure why I even care, but I do.

How much do you charge?
It all depends. If I have my shit together, people complain that they have to take out a mortgage on their house to afford me. I like to claim that they are getting a “Falcon Classic” though. But if I don’t have my shit together, you might find me whoring myself out just to get high, but still a “Falcon Classic.” But if any Johns are reading this, don’t get any ideas. I think I have my shit together, kinda.

Is there a certain age you’ll reach when you’ll retire from escorting or gay porn?
I don’t think I’ll ever go out of my way to publicly state that I’m retiring from porn. What will that do besides look like a desperate attempt to prove to the world that I can stand on my own two feet without porn as my crutch? I think if I ever find a path out of porn, I’ll just disappear and spare myself the humiliation when things don’t turn out as planned and I end up back in some low budget trash porn just looking for a paycheck. And honestly, that’s not poking fun at anyone, because I’ve seen it happen to friends. Unfortunately, from them I’ve learned to just keep my mouth shut on that topic.

Is there anything specific that might make you want to leave porn or “disappear” from the industry?
Shit. A real, decent paying job that doesn’t make me wanna blow my brains out every time I walk through the door is an obvious reason to leave, but I’m not sure what that job is yet. But come on, you guys have written about that kid that got canned from Subway because he was recognized. How long do you think it would be until someone spotted me working at your local McDonald’s? I don’t think I’d last the week. Plus, what the fuck do I put on my resume as employment for the last 10 years? At some point you just learn to accept that you’ve basically fucked yourself over.

Reading the comments and questions people—who I guess are your fans?—leave you on your Tumblr, and reading the comments people leave about you here…it always seems like people don’t “get” you, or that they take you too seriously, but you obviously don’t.
I just don’t think people understand my personality. I’m the type that dies laughing at dead baby jokes, yet will cry uncontrollably during the closing sequence of Vanilla Sky. My blog shows both sides of that, which at times leaves people kinda confused. A lot of the time, I think my personal preference on what is offensive just differs from most of the world. If they get it, they get it. If they don’t, they don’t. I just want them to walk away from my blog saying, “Wow, maybe there is a little more going on there then I originally thought.”

Most of the things you write about and the negative questions you choose to answer—and even the music you have playing on the Tumblr—is pretty depressing. Are things really that bad?
The blog is a place where I can vent and get shit off my chest. If I had real friends, or at least a person I thought would care to listen to some of the things on there, I probably wouldn’t have a reason to write it. I think my brain just hits a point of overload and if I don’t get it out, I’ll seriously lose it. People say I sound like a prepubescent girl, which is funny because if that was the case I don’t think they would have needed four police officers to cart me off to Bellevue Psychiatric last night.

I’m glad you’re OK now?
Yeah.

So what do you make of the anonymous people who are leaving the nasty comments and asking the nasty questions?
It’s human nature. People from an outside perspective are always quick to insult you before ever thinking to help build you up. In all honesty, I can’t help myself from doing it sometimes as well. I actually love to insult other models on The Sword under a fake name—I totally jerk off while doing it! I think we all wanna throw in our two cents even if we don’t know what we are talking about. You can’t take it too serious or you’ll end up throwing yourself off a bridge.

I get tips all the time from people who say they saw you drunk or high and acting crazy, or that you and your boyfriend are always on Grindr (separately), that you’ve been arrested for drugs, etc. Is your personal life that crazy?
I don’t drink, but yes I do abuse drugs in public. So what? And actually, me and by ex-boyfriend were on Grindr together as a last ditch attempt at a failing relationship.

Wait…ex-boyfriend? You and Anthony broke up?
Yeah. Obviously it didn’t work and our almost four year relationship is now over, which has been very hard on me since he was the only thing that made me keep my feet on the ground. I don’t think anyone will ever know me as well as he did, and honestly I don’t want to let anyone get that close to me ever again. Sure there was an extremely toxic side of our relationship, but when it was good, it made me into a completely different person who I liked being. Someone so far detached from Erik Rhodes that no one would believe it. But that’s over now, and the ugly side of me is starting to take over and it’s not looking so good.

Is there anything you would want to say to him now if he’s reading this?
All I know is that if life ends like the series finale of Six Feet Under, I will see him and our two dogs the last second before I die. If there is a God, he knows, he owes me at least that. And if he’s reading this now—and since I love to steal lines from my favorite movies—”I will find you again, in a world where we are both cats.”

What about rumors you hear about yourself that aren’t true. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard about yourself?
I think the best one I heard is that I overdosed and dropped dead on the the dance floor at the White Party. I mean, how awesome is that. But seriously, what makes people think I would be dancing? I don’t dance.

One thing that always comes up when people are talking about you here is fisting. Do you do it in your personal life, or is it just in the movies?
Yeah, I’ve been into fisting since I was 22. I saw it in a movie and didn’t believe it. I thought it was fake and that they were using a prop body or something. So every night after escorting in the city, I would buy a new bottle of poppers before catching the train back to Long Island. When I’d get home, I’d spend hours slowly forcing my own hand up my ass until I finally got it all the way up there. I mean, it was painful at first, but the pain was like releasing the stress I had from forcing myself to escort back then. It became a very personal thing to me that I’d only do by myself. I only really liked to do it with my boyfriends when I thought I deserved the abuse. It’s slowly gotten out of control though. Now, I find with depression dictating a lot of my life, it’s become a dangerous outlet for me.

Is it at the point now where it doesn’t even hurt? Can you feel anything back there anymore?
I find myself trying to dig in myself deeper and deeper just to find a new feeling. Like, wow, that doesn’t feel right. But feeling something that should be very wrong just feels extremely right. I know it sounds crazy and you might not understand, but I’m sure there are plenty of people who do.

I’m sure there’s some people who can relate.
Whatever. I put myself out of commission this past weekend. I hurt myself really bad. You’d think seeing blood pouring out of me would make me stop, but no. It only turned me on more. I saw my eyes dilate as if I just shot up drugs, and the back of my brain began to tingle. It was amazing. I’m getting chills just thinking about it.

Please be careful.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t waiting to do it again, cause I am.

I remember you saying a while ago that you started doing fisting on film to sort of “mix things up,” because you kind of have to keep people guessing these days. How are things different in gay porn today, as compared to when you first started out? Be it the studios, the models, the fans.
Well the internet is killing everything, and these kids today are seriously sluts. I don’t remember myself being such a fucking messy whore. But then again, I don’t think I spent much time sober back then. Fast forward to now and the fans, well maybe they’re not even fans, but “they” are everywhere and I can’t go anywhere without someone noticing me. I’m at the point where I just wish it would stop. Granted, I’m sure I’ll miss it when it’s gone. I’ll be pathetically starting all conversations with, “Remember me? I’m Erik Rhodes.” Hopefully I’ll get hit by a bus before that happens.

And so many models are overexposed now, or they’ll work with 700 studios in one month. What has kept you loyal to Falcon?
Falcon has been like family to me, and I’m a very loyal person. I’m not the type to abandon ship with the first ruffle in the waves. I’ve treated my relationship with them like I would a boyfriend; sure it’s not always gonna be great, but if you stay true to them, hopefully you can expect them to have your back, right? And Falcon has, so there’s no reason to end up anywhere else.

If you had to work for another studio, which one would you want to work with?
I’m comfortable with Falcon, and that takes time to do with me. I don’t look forward to forcing myself to make those relationships with other companies. I’m sure I can if I have to, but right now I just don’t want to.

Which studio would you not want to ever work with?
Come on. I’m not dumb enough to burn bridges before even building them. I guess nobody will know…for now.

OK, which performers would you never want to work with?
Diesel Washington, of course…because he’s black! And, I’m a racist fuck that hates black people. I’m KIDDING of course. I really don’t wanna work with anyone. I actually go out of my way to ask Falcon to make sure I don’t meet my scene partners before my shoot.

Why?
Because I’ll over analyze them and find something to not like. And then I’ll dread doing my scene and more than likely have a panic attack. Granted, they might be great people, I just don’t wanna know until the work is over. But most of the time, by then, I couldn’t care less to play “let’s get to know you.”

I know you have some friends though, even guys you’ve worked with. You don’t dislike everyone.
True, on a rare occasion I will like someone. My last scene partner, Colin Black, turned out to be a really great guy. And holy shit, would you believe he is BLACK? I actually try and stay in touch with Colin. Go figure.

How is everything going post-circumcision?
The whole thing was a nightmare. What a mistake. I was abusing a lot of Klonopin at the time and everything sounds like a good idea: Circumcision, a bunch of weird tattoos, a joint Grindr with my boyfriend, shooting up bath salts…I mean the list goes on and on. But yes, things are back to normal.

After a second surgery to fix the original circumcision, right?
Yeah, it only took two surgeries to do, but hey, doesn’t surgery on your cock, twice, sound like a good time? And thank you guys for only talking about my dick and how jacked up it looked the first time around.

I thought it looked fine after the first one!
I knew the shit looked messed up, but what was I supposed to do? Not work until the second surgery could be done? Fuck that. I had to wait six months for my doctor to even admit that he fucked it up and that it needed to be redone. There’s nothing like when your doctor looks you in the face and says he’s sorry for fucking up the surgery that he suggested you do in the first place. I had to restrain myself from attacking him.

And so you found a different doctor?
Of course. I couldn’t use the same doctor the second time around. Please, he had his chance. I couldn’t risk him messing it up again. I mean, what could he do after that? Cut it off completely and make me a tranny? I would make for one seriously ugly bitch. Anyway, to make it look correct the second time required them to cut open my nut sack and reposition my balls.

Jesus.
It finally looks alright, but it’s not the same. I wish I had never done it.

Erik Rhodes Circumcision: Before & After

There’s either no one better or no one worse than you to give advice to a new porn star. Assuming they’re going to listen to you—and I think they should—what would you say to someone starting a career in gay porn today?
My advice would be this: Do not expect to have a career in porn. Use porn as a platform to start a successful career as a hooker. Get your face out there through the movies—which really don’t make you shit—so you can just sell your ass for top dollar on the street (unless you think you have too much pride for that and you just wanna shake your ass for singles at the bar). Either way, just be prepared to be used, for your relationships to fail, and to lead an overall miserable life. Hugs and kisses, good luck, and look me up when you’re in New York. I know a great dealer.

Sound advice. Thank you, Erik!

[Falcon Studios: Erik Rhodes]

 

65 thoughts on “Exclusive: The Erik Rhodes Interview”

  1. This guy took self-destruction to an art form and was probably doomed long before he died. Some people are just beyond help, and he was one of them. I feel bad… for all the people in his life who’d ever tried to save him from himself.

    Let his life and death be a lesson to all the kids out there who may think about making all the same poor decisions.

  2. James (aka Erik Rhodes ) you will be missed; you made an impact on alot of peoples’ life and will be missed terribly. I was a huge fan and we met once in Brooklyn and I thought you were the best and hottest muscle guy I ever saw. RIP James. You are no longer in pain and you are accepted for who you are.

  3. I never really looked into James’ death. But just now I started reading accounts from his brother and even a past lover in the comments section here.

    Dominique, it seems like James was offered the help, but I guess he didn’t see it that way. All we know is from people’s accounts. Perhaps he didn’t know how to accept the help. Or perhaps he didn’t want it. I’m not sure. I think in the end it’s just some miscommunication that was happening. Whether James or his family/friends weren’t listening. Or the family/friends kept listening but it was just burning them out. Sadly, it’s all speculation on our end as people who weren’t in his inner circle.

    I hope his soul is in peace, and that those who knew him personally are doing well.

  4. I just can’t believe that this obviously suffering soul didn’t have anyone that cared enough to help him. And no, when you are depressed even if you are aware somehow that you are, usually you don’t look or know were to look for help. While we all make choices in life that may or may not be the right ones, not everyone is strong enough to rise from their errors. Obviously he was unhappy with having made important life choices and didn’t have the chance to live longer and see if he could find peace on this Earth and find a path that fulfilled him. What I don’t understand how someone obviously screaming out loud for help didn’t get anyone to be able to help. It was probably like feeling you are simply not speaking the same language as others. I don’t know if there’s something after life or not, but I know that no one should go unnoticed as a human being on this Earth. This should also remind all of us, including myself of course, that every time we get turned on by porn and its stars, we should remember there’s a human behind the performer, usually one that’s very lonely and suffering.

  5. i was and still am a huge fan of erik rhodes. his body is amazing and he seems like a blast to hang out with. What he said took balls and courage to admit. Not every person in the industry would be able to look at the repercussions of their actions and have the honesty to admit that yes they fucked up and made bad decisions. His openness towards the issues of being an escort and the constant struggle with the use of party drugs and prescription meds to highlights his genuine personality and conveys his remorse for his decisions. It is extremely sad to see that the long term 4 year relationship which he shared with Ant. failed which could see as a catalyst for the downturn of heightened depression, drug abuse and reluctance let down the hard erik facade and let the james come out and flourish. A truly sad story which could have been prevented with intervention from friends or family ( although I’m guessing those were limited numbers). He will be greatly missed and should not be judged for his actions which were brought on by extenuating circumstances which no one but him would have experienced. May you find that peace you truly deserved. RIP

  6. The interview read like a movie script with a very sad epilogue.

    No one is able save him but himself.

    What a ride. Sleep tight sweet prince.

  7. I’m soo sorry to hear Jason. I knew this day would come sooner or later. I tried to get you some help. At least you’re finally at peace now…

  8. I think alot of his problems stem from being in the industry for far too long. generally, most stars stay for around 2-3 years then move on to other things . It aint the healthiest of things to do when it brings so many hang-ups.

  9. Alright guys. The man is only human, and, like most people that are in the public eye, it’s usually the negative that you here about. Perhaps if one tried taking his looks, how they felt about them, and put that to the side, you just MAY be able to see the man as just another guy that, just like you and me, has negative qualities, positive qualities, and feelings that should be considered as YOU would want one to consider YOURS.

    James, when all others fail you, remember to share with them ‘Kish Mir in tuchas’!!

    God bless.

  10. Hay algo muy bueno en todo este reportaje, el espiritu de sinceridad y de la madures que da la experiencia. ERIK no niega nada, no justifica nada, no se arrepiente de nada…pero se hace cargo de sus errores y eso habla muy bien de èl.
    Abrazo desde Argentina: KEVIN

  11. If you end up being my cat in your next life, you better shit in the litter box. That’s all I have to say!

  12. You are all being played for fools. This is his schtick, and I really don’t believe half of what he says about his demons, drug use, etc. As proof, I have submitted positive questions to his blog, and he never bothered to answer them. He’s got you all still talking about him after all these years. As for those of us who enjoy fisting movies, I want to thank Erik for being about the hottest thing going in that department. Oops, didn’t mean to compliment you – bad for the image.

  13. I really understand him. I had depression and anothers “troubles” and i know how life can be hard.
    I think he needs a rehab now. stop using drugs, because they just will get worst his mind. And later, he get out of the porn; Everybody see how he hates that life, so why he stays in that? He is young, beautiful, maybe had some money, why he doesn´t looking another career?
    Never is too late to be happy, or at least try…

    But I just now that, for me, he still very hot, and i will still jerk off thinking on erik…

  14. I find Erik very interesting, I love it when he hosts on the Derek and Romaine show,and he is a very bright young man. Unfortunately he has several mental health issues that have led him down some unfortunate paths. It would be interesting to do a study on his twin and see if these extreme behaviors have a biological basis or are purely from personal choices. I’m bipolar so I have sympathy for the despair that could drive his extreme behaviors. I wish him happiness if that is possibly for him.I also think it is possibly to do porn, enjoy it, and even enjoy hooking. Of course you have to like yourself first before you can enjoy clients as enjoyable people. I know, I’ve done erotic work for 27 years and still enjoy it.

  15. I am now completely turned off, don’t care to watch any scenes Erik performs in. Dude just left a really bad taste in my mouth. This guys sounds suicidal big time and he as of now creeps me the hell out.

  16. Eric keeps saying he’s been arrested , to the psychiatric ward etc… Do we know if this is even true ?

    Where are his mugshots ?

  17. Well, I hope the posters that said it’s part of his schtick are right…I’d hate to think the guy was really so sad in real life. (“sad” like in unhappy, not sad like in pathetic-just to clarify)It makes my heart hurt to think of someone feeling that way…:-(

  18. Coming from a cute 22 years old here, who grew up watching Erik Rhodes movies and thought he was the cutest guy I had ever seen. You know, a nice fantasy, even innocent for a teenager me who didn’t even kiss until 15. Then I scroll down the interview and I had to read about fisting and worse… my body automatically cringed and cramped, how horrible. I wish I hadn’t read it. Porn doesn’t have to be this disgusting and revulsive, sex is just sex, but people mess it up. Thanks for shattering a fantasy that was innocent Erik, remember porn didn’t fuck you up, you did it yourself. I hope you will find a better place, it’s up to you not anyone else.

  19. Erik should be careful with his fisting stuff. You only have one pooper and he might not be as lucky with getting it repaired if he messes it up like he did with his botched circumcision. Walking around with a poop bag could be in the future.

  20. Good interview. Probably the most honest even brutally he has ever been. Like him or not he says what he says, does not apologize for it and it is not sugar coated. The thing about him and Diesel is they put their names out there, say what they have to say and if you don’t like it oh well that’s your decision.
    I read his blog, have liked his porn work and am always intrigued on what he has to say. Sometimes on his blog someone will come up with a question or comment and you would expect him to say something crazy or off the wall and he says something insightful that will blow you away.

  21. As somebody who is in the industry and has met Erik Rhodes on many occasion and even seen him in action at the studio. I have to be bluntly honest. When I first met him I felt actually bad for him because he was so messed up and needed help. Like most nice people , I even offered him help which he never even acknowledged. Then it dawned on me. The guy is just a jerk. He is not a nice person, he is mean spirited and frankly if he’s miserable he did it to himself. So I say go lie in the bed you made for yourself. My only wish is he would just go away. I am sure I am not the only person that is sick and tired of hearing him. He gives the industry a bad name and makes other gay porn stars look bad. We aren’t all shallow pathetic miserable losers and addicts. Most of us are actually nice people and it blows that people like him get all the attention.

    1. Seems like you got your wish, don’t it?

      From what you wrote and this interview, it seems like it was to be expected. :/

      RIP

  22. I was about to post some mean spirited comment about him being a professional victim for fame purposes, but in the end, what’s the point?

    Some people can find happiness anywhere while others focus on the misery and ignore the good stuff (and the well meaning advice). Music has the King and Queen of Pop while Porn has Erik Rhodes: The Tortured Soul of Gay Porn.

  23. Wow, what an interview to read at 6AM in the morning.

    Hugely entertaining to read but also hugely sad to contemplate. One point I want to add is (IMO), his outspoken directness is definitely attributable to his being so very Long Island – think of outspoken Rosie O’Donnel or Alec Baldwin – but with a gay porn overlay.

    Regarding Diesel Washington – remember Diesel is over 40 and has somehow survived and seems to thrive; that needs to be acknowledged. I really hope Eric gets his life together – but as he himself seems astute enough to realize, what does “together” mean for him?

  24. I think some of you guys are being cruel. Making jokes about someone who is clearly suffering, and/or mentally ill, is gross and disturbing. Every single one of you who posted jokes about this guy, who seems to be at the edge, should be ashamed of yourselves. Stop bullying people. I don’t understand why people do this. The internet isn’t a fantasy land. What you say here can directly affect someone else, just as if you said it to their face (which you wouldn’t). Don’t you have empathy? Sympathy? Human decency?

    Instead of making fun of Erik, why not post helpful advice? Post links to addiction/depression/etc pages? But I suppose that would be asking too much, from people who are looking at this man as an object and not a human being. You don’t have to like him or his choices, but you also don’t have to be scum.

    I hope Erik considers getting himself some psychological therapy, and that he can be as open with that therapist as he is online. I don’t think Erik is a worthless sex doll, like you guys are making him out to be. I think there’s value in him, like any other person, and I personally hope he ends up getting help.

    Someone might say you people are like those who can’t help but look at a train wreck. I’d disagree. I think it’s more like watching someone drowning in a pool, except you aren’t just watching, you’re actually throwing in more buckets of water. Sure, the water you throw in isn’t going to be what kills the person drowning, but what kind of person does that make you?

    Home


    http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/Default.aspx
    http://www.liveyourlifewell.org/go/go/find_therapy

    Take care Erik, and anyone else who is struggling in life and reading this. You aren’t alone! <3

  25. It’s really scary, but I think we’re actually witnessing a very slow suicide attempt. There is nothing even slightly chucklesome about this. The man needs help and the fact that he thinks it’s all fine is just horrible.

    1. I knew James (Erik Rhodes) very deeply. He was not ignored, he was a deeply troubled person and not solely because of drug abuse. The porn industry did not ruin him. It just escalated his already self destructive nature. I’m certain every person who he encountered, he received pity and compassion from. That is what kept him
      going, that’s what made him feel cared for. Thats how he could more easily manipulate others, fans, friends, boyfriends. No amount of sex partners(were talking in the 1,000s0, no matter how extreme, no amount of muscle attainment, or drugs, or alcohol was enough for him. He just had a constant feeling of emptiness. I’ll tell you all the years I knew him- I gave and gave….and gave, what did I get back in return? Heartbreak, a lot of sad nights, and mental anguish. I don’t think there’s a close person in his life that wouldn’t agree. Watching a masochist destroy themselves and others in the process is not for the faint of heart.

  26. Great interview Zack. I like Erik’s honesty and feel that people are too judgmental, but that is the gay community sometimes. Bitchy queens will attack him for being open about his drug use yet they party high on coke every weekend but they keep it on the DL so that makes them better…

  27. Erik can be overly cruel at times, but I love his brutal honesty. It’s refreshing to see people unafraid to call it like it is, especially on criticizing their own personal lives.

    I do however wish that he would seek help in kicking his drug habit and this depression he has. With the recent death of Roman Ragazzi,it’s sad to hear that there is not one person besides his twin brother that he is comfortable enough to be able to talk about all of these issues. Erik please consider getting professional help. You may not believe this, but there will be people out there that would be genuinely sad if drugs and depression ever take your life.

  28. I now see Mr. Rhodes in a totally different light. Reading different past post he has made did make me feel kinda sad for him and frighten that he may one day harm himself. But something about this interview just left me thinking this is who this guy is. He seems like just a very direct, blunt individual. And a little dry, but normal. I truly wish him the best.

  29. “Fucked up or brutally honest with not much of a filter” A little of both I think.

    Some of his answers/statements are quite hilarious. Not sure he meant them to be funny though. I think that’s part of the reason I sorta like him.

    I do think he would have the same issues had he not been in porn. Porn may have exacerbated it some, but the underlying causes are there regardless of what career path he chose.

    Yea, he says things that make me very uncomfortable. But also some of it is very insightful, mostly the bad stuff. To me he exudes a negativity that is chilling sometimes. And I do believe he is on a destructive path. I certainly hope either I am wrong about that, or he get’s his shit together. I don’t like for anyone to crash and burn.

  30. If he’s being honest, I’m a little disturbed for him because it feels like he’s barely clinging to the edge. If it’s all an act, however, I think he’s fucking brilliant.

  31. Fucked up or brutally honest with not much of a filter?

    Let’s see…struggles with addiction, relationship problems, friendship problems, struggles with depression.

    Holds a steady job, good relationship with his straight brother, capable of long term relationships (do they ever last?), is realistic about his industry, sized up Diesel Washington pretty well.

    His honesty is often discomforting, but we all know people like this. Our friends just lie and say everything is OK and we let them do it.

    1. But isn’t that the million, ahem, billion dollar question: which side is the real side? Who do you trust? What do we believe?

      Seems he’s got his head on rather straight for someone who is in such dire mental straits.

    2. Sized up Diesel Washington pretty well?

      As always its good to see somehow I’m always attached to these stories, anyway..

      He sized Me WTF?? You don’t know Me, Eric doesn’t Me….

      I have my eye on you Jimmy, but thanks for again for so called studying or sizing Me up.

      At least I got caught your attention..that is my Job

  32. He is a fucked up mess but at least he’s honest about it, you kind of have to admire him for being straight up about his failings. Loved his comment about never officially retiring, a few more should do the same and save the humiliation of their inevitable comeback.

  33. This boy is either truly messed up and beyond any possibility of repair…………..or he is a master manipulator making us believe all that garbage. I don’t even know what to think!

  34. He is lovely.

    I admit I got a boner when he suggested the doctor could have made him a tranny during his corrective surgery. Buck Angel is no looker but if HE was the new man with a pussy…I think he’d be very succesful . More holes to plow for us!!

    Something to keep in mind.

    1. Never posted a comment on here, BUT I have to agree here. For a long time–ever since his Tumblr went ‘gay viral’–I’ve suspected that Erik is putting on this ever-evolving performance art schtick. Granted, it’s enthralling and entertaining and intriguing and thought-provoking and all those things. But wow! Enough is enough. It’s time to grow up and put the pieces together.

      The misery he claims to feel doesn’t add up to the delusions of grandeur and narcissism along with the reckless abandon he displayed when he went on his international tour of designer label shopping. The jig is up. It’s to the point now that I can no longer watch him on film, because this “performance art” persona has distracted so much from everything else. But then again, I suspect the average gay porn viewer is not logging into his tumblr or reading The Sword on a daily basis (but they should be).

      At any rate, as I said before, the jig is up. Either grow up and pack it in (no pun intended), or just make porn and keep your illustrious “issues” private.

      1. What are you talking about? Narcissistic people with delusions of grandeur are very often miserable; in fact I’d go so far as to call that the norm.

        Erik seems like a classic case of borderline personality disorder to me.

      1. Fuck all of you. All of you who are “trying” to figure out if it were all an act are so beyond dumb and such typical fags. You all WOULD assume anyone with depressive thoughts/hardships makes them simply “narcissistic”
        NOT EVERYONE THINKS LIKE YOU. Most judgments are projections, based on what the one judging would do/does themselves.
        It’s statistic why he was the way he was; He did drugs, he traded sex for money AND drugs, his main source of income was SOLELY from having sex in the porn industry, he was on MASS amounts of mind altering prescription drugs AND STEROIDS. He was lonely and actually ALONE most of his days. He was a LUSH for love (he needed it so bad, if anyone actually gave two shits for his real name and had ever once viewed his YouTube channel, dating back as far as 4 years or more, he has always been this sad, miserable, depressed and RIDDEN with feelings urning for LOVE. REAL LOVE.
        If you mix steroids alone, it causes depression. SEVERE depression. But all of his substance abuse on top of roids/escorting/being alone too much/fearing being cheated on and or screwed over on a seemingly DAILY basis..

        …it’s no wonder. It’s really no wonder why he died so tragically. It’s just a fucking shame. All of you need to shut the fuck up. You’re all are fucking sickening.
        -RIP Erik, real peace. I listen and dedicate Behind Blue Eyes by The Who (or Limp Bizcut, whichever you would have liked more) to you on a daily basis.
        – D Allen

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