The Ten Stupidest Headlines On Stupid Huffington Post Gay Voices

It’s time for another edition, and for the first time ever, I’m including some links and some block quotes, for context!

Why?

So you can see for yourself how misleading, pathetic, and worthless this awful blog truly is. As if you didn’t already know.

10. 5 Things I Do to Prepare for My Chelsea Lately Hosting Gig, by Ross Mathews
Chelsea Handler makes Kathy Griffin look funny, so a gay minstrel act/Perez Hilton wanna-be like Ross Mathews guest-hosting for her is actually perfect, I guess. Excerpt:

4) I watch Michelle Kwan performances on YouTube, because even though Olympic gold eluded her, that girl is a champion who gives me chills! And if that doesn’t work, I watch the video of that piano-playing cat and remember that anything is possible!

Shoot him in the face, then shoot me in the head, please.

9. Elizabeth Warren Films ‘It Gets Better’ Video
Is it just me, or has the number of gay teen suicides actually increased since people started making these nauseating videos? Dan Savage, Elizabeth Warren, and Huffington Post are more responsible for gay teen suicide than any anti-gay bully.

8. When Hotels Don’t Greet Gays with Open Arms
Who gives a shit! Why do you care what some gross hotel thinks? Excerpt:

Hotels have been particularly tricky for gay couples. Many befuddled desk clerks have offered to “correct” reservations made for a queen or king bed when faced with two men or two women checking in, and it can be awkward at best to have to correct the correction.

Or, you can go sleep somewhere else. Better yet, don’t go anywhere in the first place and just stay home.

7. Starbucks Endorses Same-Sex Marriage In Washington State
Thank GOD. Starbucks supports me. Excerpt:

It’s still too soon to tell if Washington will become the seventh U.S. state to approve marriage equality, but having the support of the world’s largest coffeehouse chain is certainly a good sign.

What sort of supreme asshole would believe a non sequitur like that? And what sort of complete idiot would actually write it, as if multi billion dollar corporations could ever have any influence in politics!!

6. Boy Scouts Of America Embraces GLSEN’s ‘No Name-Calling Week,’ Anti-Bullying Event Established By LGBT Organization
Why are gay organizations comprised of adults meddling with a private group created for young boys, whose irrelevant and unestablished sexual identity is completely none of their business? I guess it’s true what they say…all gay men are pedophiles.

5. Tim Gunn On Celibacy: ‘I Haven’t Had Sex In 29 Years’
That’s the headline you get once you open the article, but the headline on the front page (the one baiting you into clicking thru) is actually “Tim Gunn’s Shocking Revelation About His Love Life.” Either way: Disgusting.

4. Perfume Genius Video Gets Banned From YouTube For Not Being “Family Safe”
Like the item above, there’s a different headline on the main page: “Is Homophobia To Blame For This Video Being Banned From YouTube?” Baiting you with the prospect of homophobia! You should be outraged! Don’t be. A video with a half naked gay porn star embracing another naked person isn’t “family safe,” so I think it’s a good thing that the video was “banned.” Of course, YouTube picks and chooses what they deem inappropriate arbitrarily and without any consistency, so fuck them. But ultimately, fuck all the moms and dads out there for letting children have computers and unfettered internet access. Idiots.

3. Gaydar And Facial Symmetry: New Study Examines Link Between Sexual Orientation And Faces
Excerpt:

What do you think about “gaydar” — real? Fake? Do you have it? Are there tricks you use? We want to hear about it in the comments section below.

DIE.

2. Let’s Celebrate Gay-Straight Alliances!
Let’s not and say we did!

1. Adam Levine And Maroon 5 Boycotting Mexican Restaurant For Anti-Gay Marriage Stance
At the displeasure of Huffington Post Latino Voices, no doubt.

The Maroon 5 singer and “The Voice” star recently revealed that the band, which is up for the Grammy for Best Pop Duo/Group Performance on February 12, has changed the location of their upcoming post-awards show party due to an unnamed Los Angeles restaurant’s backing of Proposition 8, which made gay marriage illegal in California.

Levine told People magazine, “We used to go to this Mexican restaurant to celebrate after the Grammys but the place supported the movement to make gay marriage illegal [in California] so we bailed on that.”

The fuck? They don’t even mention the goddamned restaurant! Ridiculous. Three seconds on Google tells me it’s “El Coyote,” but I guess Huffington Post Gay Voices doesn’t care enough about gay marriage to take the time to help me boycott Mexican food like famous people do.

 

 

8 thoughts on “The Ten Stupidest Headlines On Stupid Huffington Post Gay Voices”

  1. I’m with you on this one, Zach. The HP is seen by many as a representative voice. It has weight and influence, and people think it reflects gay culture. The subjects may be of interest but their perspectives and editorial approach are off base.

    Yours may be the best sentence I’ve read anywhere lately: “Dan Savage, Elizabeth Warren, and Huffington Post are more responsible for gay teen suicide than any anti-gay bully.”

  2. Tired of the bullshit

    I wonder if Huffington will start a new posting of “The Ten Worst Headlines of the Attention Whore, Shit Stirring Porn Bloggers” and include “The Ten Stupidest Headlines On Stupid Huffington Post Gay Voices” in it?

    I love these posts! And enjoy reading them for the “you’ve got to be kidding me” factor.

  3. “…as if multi billion dollar corporations could ever have any influence in politics!!”

    LOL. Now I’m pretty sure that you’re sheltered. Considering the economic condition of the US, and considering the debt crisis in the UK which is currently one of the US’ strongest economic allies, I would be surprised if something that makes money for the country (considering its franchises around the world) can have ANY influence in politics. LOL.

    And who said that it’s just about politics, Zach. The last time I checked, our problems are considered social issues and Starbucks, considering its “aspiration value” is a very powerful social player.

    “5. Tim Gunn On Celibacy: ‘I Haven’t Had Sex In 29 Years’
    That’s the headline you get once you open the article, but the headline on the front page (the one baiting you into clicking thru) is actually “Tim Gunn’s Shocking Revelation About His Love Life.” Either way: Disgusting.”

    So let me get this “straight” (of course I can’t imagine how you’d understand THAT punt considering the quality of your tirade,) you think that this is “stupid” because you find it disgusting. WOW. You might as well put “Dear Diary…” in front of this piece.

    “8. When Hotels Don’t Greet Gays with Open Arms
    Who gives a shit! Why do you care what some gross hotel thinks?”

    So you’re going to give this and follow up with this… “The fuck? They don’t even mention the goddamned restaurant! Ridiculous. Three seconds on Google tells me it’s “El Coyote,” but I guess Huffington Post Gay Voices doesn’t care enough about gay marriage to take the time to help me boycott Mexican food like famous people do.” How wonderfully supportive of your stance. Give it up.

    “Or, you can go sleep somewhere else. Better yet, don’t go anywhere in the first place and just stay home.”

    Well, someone’s obviously never had a business trip. I can’t imagine needing to go to far off places just to “write” about porn.

    LOL LOL LOL.

    I know that you’re trying to be an editor but I doubt that you actually have any experience working on a newspaper or a magazine. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re only doing this because HuffPo rejected you for “undisclosed reasons.”

    Stick to porn, chica. At least if someone calls you out for being self-contradictory, insensitive and short-sighted, you can just easily say “why are you taking it seriously; it’s just porn.”

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