and how we, as vain gays, are going to get with our $22-underwear habits during the impending Great Depression 2.
Cloud’s solution: stay vain! But only buy one pair of designer sunglasses this year and try, gasp, “sales”
“I found Dolce & Gabbana jeans for $274.95 — on sale, down from $345. Under the cold glare of D&G, $145 seems like a bargain. And this particular gay man is not going to the Gap to buy its saggy-assed jeans, even if they are only $55, and even if I do live on a reporter’s salary, and even if that does mean I eat leftovers most nights and have traded down from Junípero gin ($35 per bottle) to Tanqueray ($20 per bottle). Call me a queen, but Gap jeans don’t fit me, in at least two senses: They don’t fit my body, and, I would argue, they don’t fit my culture… To put it blithely, is $145 the least we can spend on jeans, because otherwise the jeans wouldn’t be gay enough?”
He goes on to write a bunch of inane shit about what this “culture” is and who we are demographically, citing such mind-blowing data as:
. 2.1% of gay and bisexual men ages 18–44 live in poverty, compared with 4.2% of straight men in the same age group.
. 47% of LGBT people have retirement accounts, compared to 51% of heterosexuals. (“Don’t we know we will get old?”)
. 17% of gay people were “absolutely certain” they would take a vacation by air in the next six months, compared to just 12% of heterosexuals. (Even if it’s a laycation.)
Apparently, “we” also really like cruises! “We,” of course, being fortysomething real estate agents with a matching set of Louis Vuitton luggage and French bulldog!
No wonder the The Advocate is dying a slow death.
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