Shay Michaels Talks Meth, Fucking for Days, and Almost Going Blind

Paul B. is back with the second installment of this four-part series, all on the topic of addiction, in conjunction with the release of NakedSword’s Addict. Today, he has a frank interview with porn star and recovering meth addict Shay Michaels, who, as it happens once did a scene with last week’s interviewee, Adam Herst.

 

Paul: So how’s the porn thing going?

Shay: It was fun in the beginning. Exciting. It’s gotten to be a job but it’s entertaining.

There are two good reasons for doing porn. One is to make money and the other is to have fun.

My reason is money. I was on the verge of bankruptcy. I used to work in finance and real estate but I lost my job and couldn’t find work, and Bruno Bond, a friend of mine on Big Muscle, kept asking me to do porn. To keep bankruptcy at bay I said yes. There are those in porn who are in it for status and prestige, and there are those who are in it for money, and you can tell who’s who on set. Porn stars in it for money tend to be agreeable and do what the director tells them. Those who are in it for prestige and attention tend to have prima donna attitudes.

Talking to Adam Herst it was interesting to discuss how porn stars tend to be either low or high when it comes to self-esteem.

Yeah, and there are two types of directors too. There are directors who have high demands who will tell you to suck in your stomach. And there are directors, mostly for bareback studios, who tend to pick up guys with low self-confidence and give them validation. I’ve been doing this for three years and I know what types of situations I thrive in so I try to work with studios who will let me pick and choose.

You mean you get to veto potential co-stars? I don’t know many porn stars who manage to swing that.

I don’t nix co-stars but I’ll cancel if I don’t like my scene-partner.

I’m surprised you can get away with that.

Well I’ve been trying to build a reputation as a performer who can make a good scene and who cares for the viewer and can drive sales. And I don’t want to do porn that will be embarrassing when I’m 50. I recently just worked with Tyler Reed. It was going to be with two other porn stars but I said no to them.

shay-michaels-3So you turned a foursome into a twosome. Are you that guy at the bathhouse who’s like, “You. Come in. Not you. You. Not you.”?

I’m not a bathhouse kind of guy.

But I thought you were a tweaker.

I did it at people’s houses.

Ah, I see. Well I myself was both a Private Residence Tweaker and a Bathhouse Tweaker.

The problem with a bathhouse is that it’s so easy to accidentally lock eyes with someone, just because they’re in your line of sight, and then all of a sudden you have someone on your hands who’s expecting to get into your ass.

It’s a dance.

I don’t like to dance.

Congratulations on being sober.

I have nine months.

Me too! Hopefully we won’t relapse. So tell me about your big rock bottom.

I got arrested for my 2nd DUI…

Oh my god I have two DUIs too! I was smoking so much meth at the time that I had forgotten to smoke meth, and I was on Day 4 and I fell asleep behind the wheel and totaled three cars.

My DUI got dropped because my attorney and I busted the cop for targeting gay boys from gay bars, because over 70% of his arrests were gay men, even though gay bars only represented 2% of his surveillance properties.

Couldn’t that just mean that faggots are big drunk drivers? Either way, sounds like a pretty good attorney.

Yeah it was expensive. Cost me $10,000 but I won. At that point I started to get sober on my own.

That doesn’t work so well.

No it doesn’t. I ended up meeting my ex-partner, Brian Davilla and moving with him to Portland. I was no longer near my family and since I wasn’t accountable to anyone it just exploded from there. I met someone from Scruff who slammed. He came over and it started again. I tried getting sober on my own a couple more times but it didn’t work.

shay-michaels-1You weren’t desperate enough yet.

Right. I still had all my teeth and a car. Eventually though things got really bad. I overdosed at one point but didn’t go to a hospital. I was convulsing for twelve hours, I lost ten pounds over-night from all the vomiting etc. I waited it out in my hotel room. A day and a half went by. Then I started using again. That’s how bad I was addicted. By the time I was ready to get sober, I was living with a dealer, homeless, going blind, had lost 30 pounds, hadn’t urinated in a day and a half and was close to death. So I reached out to a drug counselor and he told me to go to a meeting. This time, instead of hearing what I wanted to hear, I listened with an open ear, did what I was told, curbed my expectations, and went. The people were happy and laughing and didn’t look like skeletor.

That sounds like a turning point: going blind.

Yeah. I had optic nerve damage. I smoked 24/7. I wouldn’t put it down.

I was probably sleeping 15 hours a week the last year of my use.

The longest I was up was 4 days. That’s when the paranoia kicks in and the voices start. I would hear people talking and think they were talking about me. It was an awful feeling. Even though I knew it was just the drugs, it wouldn’t stop.

Not to one-up you, but my record for days up is 7.

That’s pretty bad.

I started Thursday morning and went to bed on Thursday morning. I went with my buddy Steve to Palm Springs. He’s been at the drug 17 years now. He’s walking off into the sunset.

Walking off into the sunset?

Yeah, because on meth you don’t die right away like you do on heroin. Instead you’re dying slowly, the entire time.

It’s like drinking that way, a slow process. Things start to fail. You’re right that it’s a slow death. My drinking started showing consequences little by little, but when I started using meth on a daily basis that cycle sped up. That’s what brought me to my knees. It brought me down so fast.

I feel like without meth I wouldn’t be sober. I’d still be drinking.

I was a black-out drinker. Coke helped. Meth was better. Coke is a 20 minute high, meth is 12 hours. It’s pretty simple to trade one for another.

So you would meet guys online?

For me meth was always hyper-sexualized. It was all about sex. I went from house to house in West Hollywood. It got really bad. And then it stopped being about sex and became just about being high. I’d look for certain things in profiles that relate to drugs.

And filter for drug use where before you were filtering for looks.

Exactly. And that’s when it hit me. I was an addict.

Shay with his boyfriend, Marco.
Shay with his boyfriend, Marcos.
That’s when it hit you? It wasn’t the blindness?

No, I convinced myself that was from tanning. Rather, I was online and a hot guy wanted sex but didn’t have drugs and I wasn’t interested. Instead I started hooking up with guys who were below my standards because they had T. At that moment I stopped myself, I was in a hotel room, and I realized I was an addict. I kept going anyway, but I remembered that moment.

The thing that’s so interesting to me in life is that you can’t un-have that realization. There’s no going back. You can’t have it. Like time, realizations move in one direction.

And the thing is when you get sober and relapse, you aren’t going to have fun like you did before. That fun factor is gone forever, even if you start using again. It’s always going to be something that’s catastrophic instead.

Working the program kills your buzz, in other words.

Now when I think about the drug, I don’t think about good things. I think about losing Marcos, career, family, friends, everything. So that initial thought of picking up the pipe is replaced by the thought of everything I have to lose.

The gift of desperation.

That’s the point of the program. The longer you stay sober, the more you accumulate and the more you have to lose.

Don’t quit before the miracles happen.

Are you going to be talking in bumper stickers the rest of the time?

Nine months is a good chunk of time.

At six months I was counting my days. Now I’m not. Also, I want to share my advice that differs from the standard advice in the program. People are told not to have sex for a year. I say that’s bullshit. When I got sober, the fear of sober sex hit me. I’d been relying on T for sex so heavily that I was worried about all the complexities of sober sex that I kept hearing about. And to me, as an escort and a porn star, it was really important to figure this out. It’s my livelihood. So I tried sex the first few weeks, and it didn’t work, but I kept at it, and then it got fine. So my advice to newcomers in the program is to go find a sober buddy and practice, practice, practice.

Demystify it.

I was also told I couldn’t do it, keep my sex work jobs and stay sober. I got sober with other porn star escorts and every single one has relapsed. I’ve stayed sober. I’ve been through a lot. I used to be anorexic.

Really?

Yeah, I almost got diabetes.

Now you’re manorexic.

Now I’m fabulous! But yeah, I’ve had it tough. I was also raped. I was home-schooled.

Which was worse? Being raped or being home-schooled?

[Silence.]

 

 

Paul B. was a previous editor of The Sword from 2008 to 2010.

 

Watch Shay Michaels on NakedSword.

 
 

27 thoughts on “Shay Michaels Talks Meth, Fucking for Days, and Almost Going Blind”

  1. Shay is so hot. I prefer seeing him in the Top role.
    Its so sad to hear of all the issues , meth, alcohol, etc.
    He seems like a great guy. Best Wishes!

  2. Well I’ve never heard anyone tell me to not have sex my first year of sobriety, si I don’t know who’s been giving him bum scoop. What I was told is to not start or get involved in a relationship during my first year sober, which I totally did not listen to and just after checking myself into rehab barely a month I was already dating one of the residence managers. I did a six month program in 5 months and immediately moved in with the guy and after s year together and all had cleared I realized why they tell you not to get into a relationship. Whatever that reason may be for you, still there is never and word, or at least that I’ve heard of, about not having sex. Hi ahead and have all the sex you want, every single day if you want just don’t start a relationship or get seriously involved with anyone because you need that time to fencing with you emotionally and mentally.

  3. I am getting to old to judge whose behaviours are extreme when it comes down to personal responsibility. I wish him very well and hope he can live fully and happy.

  4. It’s posts like this that make me want to kill myself so I don’t have to live in the same world as these people.

  5. wow, from anorexic back to huge muscles! kudos for that. Of course, I’m wondering if Steroids were involved.

    this dudes comes off better than Herst. But Michaels emits a bit of damagedness with a little bit of “f” u, while Herst emitted just lots of “f” u. What he’s been thru is hard to relate to since I’ve never been thru those types of things.

    “Which was worse? Being raped or being home-schooled? [Silence.]” OK. That was a messed up question and shows that Paul B is not cool, like Herst. And while Paul B brings his related history into these interviews… I agree with the poster… it does become all about Paul B.

    The narcissistic comment is interesting. I didn’t realize but I don’t see the mentioning of others. Other than the lost of people is used as a motivating factor vs… doing damage to others and being sorry, etc.

  6. I’m glad he’s sober, but he seems a bit sad. I’d suggest moving to a place a bit removed from porn ( a Midwest City perhaps ) as maybe he’d stand a better chance to get on with a life after porn

  7. “Hi, my name is Shay and I’m an crystal meth addict. I have been restored to sanity, do daily 10th inventories, work on my character defects, and treat my life and myself as an amends to my Higher Power. Recovery has given me many gifts such as my boyfriend Marcos who I met in my first few months of this sobriety. Despite being raped, I now am successfully doing bareback porn. I’m healthier now since battling anorexia. I’m not sure though how body building affects body dysmorphia. Escorting helps me to be financially free. Marcos is clearly ok with me being a sex worker in our obviously open relationship. With regular prayer and meditation, my actions have shown that I’ve had a spiritual awakening and that I practice these principles in all my affairs. Thanks for letting me share!”

  8. FYI, using poppers or steroids isn’t sober. Besides gambling, he should look into Alcoholics Anonymous (alcohol), Narcotics Anonymous (meth), Sex Addicts Anonymous (prostitution, anonymous sex, porn), and Overeaters Anonymous (anorexia). If Shay Michaels wants to be restored to sanity, he should seek professional help. He mentioned that he saw a drug counselor before so it seems like he’d be open to therapy. Co-occurring disorders of addiction and mental issues can be better dealt when both are worked on.

    1. so many 12 step gurus who are so far in the cult they don’t realize how incredibly delusional they are. Wonderful to just judge everyone because it gives a minute or two where you don’t have to ponder your own reality…Keep in mind most people get sober without the nonsense and the holier than thou attitude…do you and let other’s do what they do. No sense in getting all worked up over something that may not work for you but is certainly working for others.

  9. Paul B.’s war stories/interviews aren’t helping. Your sober life should be even more interesting than your using tales. Shay’s not a bath house kind of guy yet he escorts. Shay will turn down co-starring porn stars but will bareback. Hopefully he gets to 50. Whatever age you are, porn is little embarrassing. It’s a good thing he still has his teeth, cars, and more importantly looks. Shay Michaels needs to predominately go to straight meetings for the same reason why there are men go to stag meetings to avoid the women; skip the drama. What exactly is below your standards when you’re a barely sober hustler? I don’t understand the denial of his blinding obvious sex addiction. Sex work is not a job especially when you’re a rape survivor. It’s just fucked up.

  10. lmao this guy is full of shit from the beginning. He says that he’s in it for the money and those who are in it for the prestige are a bunch of prima-donnas. Well I’d say that cancelling shoots just because you don’t want to work with certain models is pretty obvious that you’re not in it for the money and obviously you’re a difficult muscle queen to work with. That’s probably why he’s not with Titan and other high-end studios because no one else would put up with your batshit crazy self.

    And to cancel 2 shoots and instead work with Tyler Reed??? Wow, you’ve either got some fucked up tastes or the other 2 must have been Jake Cruise look-alikes.

    1. “…cancelling shoots just because you don’t want to work with certain models is pretty obvious that you’re not in it for the money and obviously you’re a difficult muscle queen to work with.”

      Nope. Especially if you are a top, you can’t fake it if you aren’t into a guy. Maybe you look down on porn stars, think you are better than they are, but you’re probably the prima donna. Just because he chooses guys you aren’t into doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with his taste, either.

  11. Drug addict, escort, bareback porn, anorexia, raped, near bankruptcy and…anything else? With regard to the rape, why continue to re-traumatize yourself by having sex that you don’t really want to do like escorting and barebacking? Whether HIV positive or negative, it’s best to minimize the spread of the disease to yourself and others. I’d check in with a few doctors, namely a psychiatrist, dentist, and physician who specializes in internal medicine. Now that you’re sober from drugs and alcohol it’s time to zero in on your health. Work on your mental health with a professional that also is familiar with addiction and get some therapy. You can deal with your body image challenges, finances, and other problems.

  12. Since methhead sex addicts have a crazy high (pun intended) HIV rate, I’m sure he’s not putting his health at risk any more. He’s quite likely already HIV+ and is doing unsafe porn because the horse is already out of the gate.

    Also, he’s an escort now because it’s not like a porn actor former addict is suddenly going to go back into dentistry or resume his doctorate in biology. He has no other options. This is a dude who still think porn actors have prestige. Hilarious.

  13. The most effective way of staying sober is to close one chapter (I know now that I started to use drugs, because … and by facing / dealing with my issue or issues which I previously avoided by using drugs I now no longer need to distract myself with drugs) and start a new one elsewhere where you can create a new healthy enviroment for yourself where you can prosper.

  14. It’s sad because he stoped with drugs and alcohol but is still putting his health in danger when he chose to do bareback porn ( he escorts too ).

  15. So you’re going to get off crystal meth and out of bankruptcy by being a prostitute? How IS that better? There’s a reason why it’s suggested that you don’t get into relationships or have sex in your first year of sobriety: you’re still crazy. Work on your character defects. Think of NOT being a hoe as a living amends to yourself. Restore your sanity by getting a therapist for other issues in your life to help minimize the drama. Working as a rentboy doesn’t equal trudging the road to happy destiny.

    1. Ah, yes, the judgmental queens who read blogs about men who get paid for sex on camera, only to tell them how horrible they are for getting paid to have sex off camera. Fuck off, hypocrite. Those types of hangups you have just make you a boring fucking lay, where you can never reconcile what you actually want with the morals society has you bound by.

  16. Has Shay Michaels done a 4th step? He needs to look at his sexual inventory. I’m not sure how long he can maintain sobriety with escorting. Why don’t you look into other 12-step groups for sex addiction as well as being in debt? Trading meth for overspending or romantic relationships is like switching deck chairs on the Titanic.

    1. I noticed that as well, his pattern is going from one extreme to the other.

      HE needs to be in therapy – to find the deep rooted problem that is causing all of these extreme choices.

      Oh, and “Instead I started hooking up with guys who were below my standards…” – like, what standards can you have at the bottom? He sounds a bit narcissistic.

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