Rites of Ass-age: A Night In the Life of Adam Ramzi

Today, porn star Adam Ramzi becomes the newest columnist on The Sword.

Adam will regularly be contributing to the site with stories from his own experience. As Adam says, “When I first began attending my L.A.-based grad school program in clinical psychology, with a specialization in LGBT-affirmative psychotherapy, I knew I wanted to explore gay sex and the dynamics among sexually active gay men. Now I live in San Francisco, intern as a marriage and family therapist, and occasionally do porn and go-go dancing on the side. I’ve experienced many new things, and I’ve learned that I’m far from perfect. But my place as a social animal, a horndog, an exhibitionist, and a thinker (when I’m not distracted, in a city full of distractions) has given me a lot to share. Hopefully this column will give readers a unique glimpse into my world.”

 
………………………..

I filmed my twelfth scene in this lovely industry, my last one in the Raging Stallion studio in San Francisco, in April of 2014, only a month after moving here. Raging/Falcon production moved soon after that to Las Vegas — a practical yet controversial decision that put my porn parents in a suburban landscape full of identical housing, ample space, and amenities, surrounded by trees, shops, necessities, but far away from Bay Area. For half of what they pay now in rent, they will get twice the space, new equipment and appliances, and a far more comfortable existence.

Hearing Bruno Bond talk about it was scary and comforting at the same time. My initial reaction is to think a few negative things: Vegas sucks; suburban Vegas is probably worse; city life is king; etc. And yet, he and husband Steve Cruz seem very happy with each other, and life sounds pretty exciting — they are stars formerly in front of the camera who are now directors, and they get to fly all the hot boys they want to their enormous new studio.

Still, after a year of being flown to S.F. to have a day of shooting with these folks, they were leaving with smiles on their faces but I had just gotten here, and was still struggling to find my own community.

But I digress. My latest scene was with a friend whom I’ve known for almost four years, and this added a new element to the experience of making porn in that the comfort level was of a very certain type. We’ve had sex before, we like each other, and the rapport and chemistry could be reignited very simply. Aside from the occasional boner problems, it was a pretty smooth shoot.

That night, however, I was hired to go-go dance at the Powerhouse for a weekly party thrown by Grace Towers, San Francisco’s most popular bearded lady du jour (if you haven’t heard of her by now, shame on you). The party is called Bulge — a sex positive underwear party, where there is inevitably a contest for the best bulge/underwear combo.

Now, granted, a few things were against me that night. I would eventually come to love dancing at this night, and any night at the Powerhouse thereafter for that matter. But shooting porn, no matter how smooth, is a physically grueling and exhausting endeavor, every time, and I really didn’t have much time to rest before the gig.

Grace Towers and Adam Ramzi
Grace Towers and Adam Ramzi. Photo: FBFE Photography
This night felt, almost entirely, like a fight to stay alive, and I got in my head in a way that disappointed even me. The tips were mediocre, the place was only about half full, and the attention was distant rather than engaging. I thought a lot to myself about the commitment I’d made by entering this city quite in this way. What had I gotten myself mixed up in? I was new to a city, meeting people I’d never met before, and shaking my 32-year-old ass on a go-go box in a leather jockstrap and a backwards baseball cap and bike gloves. You know, for grabbing poles and such. What could this get me in this city, really?

Adam Ramzi: porn actor and go-go boy, soon to be barback at a Castro bar. The psych internship I’d moved here for almost seemed to be just a side thing. But, truly, my life was becoming all full of “side things.” I began to think, while moving my hips under that red spotlight, that this was a recipe for loneliness, and it started to make me sad.

I began thinking about a recent dramatic exchange with an ex that may have meant the end of our life together, and it made me realize something. I missed my ex for several reasons, but never considered that one of them would be because I missed feeling new to someone whose opinion of me was not tinted by knowing what my dick, ass, or o-face look like. I remember meeting porn stars when I was younger, and now I know what their faces meant when they hesitantly told me it was nice to meet me. They knew I was interested mostly because I knew what their SEX looked like and I liked it, and I had very little interest (probably) in who they actually were.

Then something happened. My favorite moment of the night came when a sweet, older man came up to me while I was dancing and told me he had a sneaker fetish and was intrigued, because he’d never seen my Praxis shoes before. I told him the story of how I’d never heard of them, but found them at a huge thrift institution in Los Angeles, called St Vincent de Paul.

“May I?” he asked.

Not sure what he meant at first, I reminded myself, yet again, that things are different in this town. “By all means,” I said. He knelt down, lifted my foot, and started licking the shoe, and putting the soles all over his face and forehead. Happy as can be. He tipped $10, and it was the best tip of the night.

“See, now you can say you’ve had Praxis sneakers on your face!” I said to him with a smile. He backed away with his hands on his heart, as if to say “Thank you,” and his smile couldn’t be sweeter or more genuine.

I noticed as he disappeared into the crowd that I was feeling the music a little more. I was dancing harder. I was smiling. This town is constantly full of surprises, and it was still so NEW. I was still so new. And once I remembered that it’s okay to start over, however different people’s perception may be of me here, the stress and the blues slowly melted away. The tips got better.

And I’m still here in SF, with no real plan as to how long I will stay. I’m keeping it this way a while, I think.

 

Previously: ADAM RAMZI TALKS JUDGEY EX-BOYFRIENDS, ‘LOVE BONERS,’ AND PUSHING HIS OWN BOUNDARIES

26 thoughts on “Rites of Ass-age: A Night In the Life of Adam Ramzi”

  1. Usually I just watch, and don’t read materials in gay porn. But this time I’m glad to read this report.
    It’s nice to read about few time to sleep, a bareback planed for a show, lonelyness, thinking about an ex, boner problems, sex with friends, to be new in town, surprises.
    I’m also glad Adam is family therapist and LGBT ativist, like me. It’s really nice to see.

  2. That’s good glad to hear that at least he’s using his talents for something besides porn, which isn’t a bad thing but from his past he’s so talented.

  3. “The Bitches of Swordwick” never disappoint: A Proustian writing critique…A diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder…Beard grooming & bottoming tips? Porn is already a feculent, Low-to-No paying job, which YOU ALL WATCH, and now this poor little Neo-Porn-Pup has to endure this pointless crap? De nada.

  4. This narcissist is going to be a therapist? I’m guessing the licensing of therapists in California is non-existent.

    1. I know, right? He obviously was studying MFT for some years before deciding to do porn at the age of 31. Feeding narcissism is the only explanation for that. I feel sorry for his future clients well at least for the ones in real need as opposed to all the ones who will be there with puppy dog looks in their eyes. TheSword this isn’t giving us a glimpse into anything interesting Hope you’re not paying for this.

    2. That’s incorrect. It’s called the Board of Behavioral Sciences (BBS.gov)! If The Board becomes aware of an intern behaving in acts that ARE in direct conflict with its ethnics and laws, his professional aspirations is in the toilet as it should! Therapists can AND DO have their license suspended and/or revoked for inappropriate behaviors in their personal life, boundary violations, a DUI, sexual allocations by a client, bartering with clients, PORN……….

  5. Dear Adam,

    I have tremendous respect for your intelligence, talent and general ability. Obviously. you’re also hot as a supernova. You also have ideas and words I want to read.

    I’m not here to bury you, I’m here to praise you.

    That said, your writing style, or your ability to be edited, needs to improve massively.

    You have interesting things to say, but you’re not making them interesting to readers.

    First of all, your rhythm is off. On a screen or on paper, create a ‘reading rhythm’ for readers. The easiest way to do that initially is to adopt a simple one two system of a short paragraph followed by a long paragraph. Once you’ve understood that technique and can see how it works, you can start to break it up.

    It’s like learning how to do a waltz and interspersing it with brief bouts of samba.

    Or baking a lasange in which you have layers of cheese and beef, and suddenly add one layer full of chili. Rhythmic writing is like sex – you have to learn how to do it first, and then you mix it up. It gets to be great. You’re able to poke your ideas and your words in all sorts of directions because you follow the rules – and then break them so that all kinds of passion can break out.

    And then there are adjectives and adverbs. Do you really need to use them?

    In your very first sentence, you referred to ‘in this lovely industry’. I didn’t know whether you meant that sincerely or sarcastically. Remove that ambiguity. If you’re being sincere, it’ll come through in what you write. If you’re being sarcastic, it’ll come through in what you write. In a similar vein, if you find yourself writing the word ‘very’ or ‘got’ or ‘gotten’, stop right there and ask yourself if it is necessary (?).

    Emphatically, you are an interesting man who has interesting ideas and experiences.

    I’m only writing this to suggest better ways of being a writer (I do a lot of editing). I’ve taken the liberty of taking your article and re-editing it on my desktop. I’ve not posted that re-edit here because I have far too much respect for you. You are a clear thinker, but you’re not great at organising your thoughts for publication.

    If you want me to, I will post my rewrite below. It’s mostly your words, but in a different order and with different levels of priority for the thoughts you’re expressing.

    Once again, Mr Ramzi, this is definitely not an attack on you at any level. You’re good. You’re very (see what I did there?) good. I just want you to be btter.

    Yours sincerely,

    Dazzer

  6. Hi there Adam – glad you will providing a column here. For the record, I don’t recall what your sex looks like, but I think your face is very attractive, and I am looking forward to getting to know the YOU inside a little better! Best of luck to you!

  7. I really enjoyed this post/essay(?). I’m going through some changing shit right now & it resonated with me a lot. Plus Adams header pic is damn sexy!

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