While you wait for Bruce LaBruce’s hard-gore fuck flick to come out early next year, enjoy Dan Savage’s thoughts on zombie sex.

Question: Can zombie sex ever be consensual? Because I think if confronted with a zombified Zac Efron, I might go for it if he were properly restrained. Can you teach a zombie a safe word? Does it count if it’s “braaaains”? It’s not necrophilia with the WALKING dead, is it? What would you say is the sexual morality of this situation?

Dan Savage: If you’d seen Zombieland, you’d know that a hot person, once transformed into a zombie, isn’t hot anymore. A pretty girl falls asleep in the arms of Zombieland’s nebbishy hero and awakes as a thoroughly hideous flesh-eating monster. Even a zombified Zac Efron—I’m going to resist the obvious joke—would be too repulsive to fuck. Think of the gore, the viscera; think of the Axe body spray.

As for the morality of the situation, fucking zombies is still necrophilia, technically speaking, but practically speaking, it comes closer to bestiality. A human being who has been zombified is nothing but an animal, hungry for brains, incapable of thought, much less consent. We can kill animals for their flesh, but we mustn’t fuck them; we can kill zombies for wanting our flesh, but likewise we mustn’t fuck them.

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