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Written by paul
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Monday, 03 November 2008 13:22 |
 The campaign that began several decades ago will likely come to a close on Tuesday. Depending on the outcome, we'll be celebrating or sulking -- and drunk either way. Before you head to the polls, get informed by masturbating to these relevant titles.
 10. Politically Erect (2004)
Nick Romano brings his thick muscles and New Jersey hair to this thought-provoking film about political activism and anal sex.
 9. Columbus Cum (2007)
Ohio is in the spotlight once again as one of the most important battle grounds of the election. To get a sense of which way the wind is blowing in this swing state, watch a bunch of skanky-ass Ohioans taste each other's ejaculatory fluid. (Yes, we censored the box cover.)
 8. Married Men Fantasies (2008)
Depending on how things go tomorrow with California's Prop 8, this movie might become a Married Men Reality. No matter what the outcome, however, Enrique the cover-boy will still have an absurd goatee. And we will still be single nicotine addicts.
 7. Florida Erection (2003)
Oafish, lantern-jawed Rick Ritter plays "Al Bore" in this movie, though from the looks of his shrub-like nethers we'd say he looks more like a Bush to us.
 6. Red Neck and Proud (2004)
The rising phenomenon of Obamacons -- staunch conservatives who have moved into Obama's camp -- have given us faith. Maybe we can all just get along. We must make an effort to reach across the aisle, to accept opposing viewpoints, and to fuck as many pale, lanky Southern hick-boys as we can. (Hint: malt liquor is the new red wine.)
 5. Dangling Chad (2001)
Here's a grinning Cole Reece, trying his darndest to impersonate a ballot, but looking more like that kid in elementary school who ruins Arts & Crafts hour by eating all the paste.
 4. The Booth (2006)
Sticky levers. Stained touchscreens. Is that a democracy in your pants or are you just happy to see me? Yes, this movie follows a bunch of retail queens in a clothing store, and the booth in question is a fitting room, not a polling station. But if you're wondering why we've included this film on the list, then you are clearly not having enough voting booth sex.
 3. Penetration on Pennsylvania Avenue (2006)
We're loving the White House theme, but to be honest, we'd rather watch Cindy McCain polish Sarah Palin's bald eagle than watch Seth "Jennifer Tilly On Hormones" Black fuck Dino "Just Plain Ugly" Phillips.
 2. Old Queens 2 (2005)
This one's for you, John McSexyBitch!
 1. Black Wishes (1999)
We have just one black wish. Barack, this wank's for you.
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