The premise of the article is that there are many ways to masturbate. Pictured below: baloney sofa, sandwich bag filled with hand lotion, baguette filled with jelly, mattress with a hole cut in the middle and filled with vaseline; shop vac, shoelace cock noose.

Thanks for the inspiration, Vice. Also, Dear Masturbating Man: you’re sort of hot, but your socks are disgusting.

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Stick a Dick In It! (Plushie Schwartz)