How Is Anyone Supposed To Jerk Off To Justin Bieber?

The fact that Justin Bieber is wearing a tank top and is not shirtless on the new cover of Rolling Stone says it all: He’s not sexy. If he were, he’d be flexing, dripping with sweat, and showing off his abs. Or his pecs. Or his biceps. There should be some semblance of masculinity, but Rolling Stone didn’t even try. Instead, he’s emasculated. Part of the reason why is Bieber’s feminine face, which, to be fair, neither he nor Rolling Stone can really do anything about.

But, laughably, Rolling Stone appears to have made the emasculation worse by putting him in a sort of see-through, skin tight tank top (and possibly soaking it with water, unless that’s just a shadow from his silly chain necklace?), which reminds me of a wet t-shirt contest. And who enters wet t-shirt contests? Girls, of course. Only instead of a big-breasted college co-ed on Spring Break, here is an emaciated 18-year-old boy who thinks he is black.

Worst of all though, Rolling Stone comically places the words “hot, ready, legal” next to him, which is a juxtaposition begging for mockery. Rolling Stone is undoubtedly in on the joke, which could be construed as sort of mean, but who cares. They need to sell magazines, and young girls will buy this magazine. But what about young boys? Young gay boys?

Trying to sell Justin Bieber as a sex symbol (and also trying to sexually exploit him, with his camp’s blessing) not only does a disservice to young women in need of a strong male sex symbol, it also robs young gay men of someone to sexually fantasize about, too. This is the best representation of male sexuality that the music industry has to offer our nation’s youth? This is what passes for male sex appeal? Young women and young gay men deserve better.

I deserve better, too, because I should be able to freely jerk off to an 18-year-old without feeling like a pedophile. This just makes me feel gross. But, maybe there are plenty of young gays who fantasize about Justin Bieber and I’m just too old to understand his appeal? If that’s the case, fine. You can have him, tweens. (And you can have him too, pedophiles.)

Not to get all “old man” on you, but when I was in the Justin Bieber demographic several (several) years ago, the music industry embraced and promoted actual hot guys. Just like Beiber, they were all horrible at music, but at least they were hot. And at least they all went shirtless.


 

34 thoughts on “How Is Anyone Supposed To Jerk Off To Justin Bieber?”

  1. This talented handsome young multi-millionaire sure does bring out the bitch in many of the posters on this site. They do show the rest of us how ugly envy is.

  2. Gerardo looks like a little chihuahua that likes to go around humping everbody’s leg. He’s also anti-gay just like that idiot Marky Mark. Couldn’t you have used better examples? Hell, one of NKOTB is gay, and they were popular in that time frame and way better looking than the two douche bags above. Even Joey Lawrence had an album out in the early 90’s.

  3. I can’t stand this lil’fag. She seens to be so full of her own ‘ importance ‘… She is full of herself.

  4. I could literally break this kid in half. Im 16 and weigh 75 more pounds than he does. I dont find him attractive at all. If all it takes is a pretty face and some baby abs to become hot to these girls, then im glad i was blessed with being gay. I’ll stick to guys like me, thanks.

  5. BTW…Rolling Stone is in a downward slope to shitty magazines…The same headline was in the Lindsay Lohan’s edition when that mess got “hot and legal”. Are they short of imagination??

  6. It’s not his androgyny that makes him so grossly unappealing… It’s that he looks maybe 10. Seriously, Jerry Sandusky has pictures of the Biebs in his jail cell saying “Jerry + Justin 4 EVA!” Fake girlfriend Selena Gomez can barely hide her embarrassment when she’s photographed with this fetus. Even if he’s getting laid (gag), a normal sized chick sitting on his baby dick is probably going to break his fragile little pelvis. I’m wondering if his pre-pubescent girl fans are all going to lez out once they get to college if this is their first impression of hot?

  7. I don’t find Justin Bieber that attractive.His father is much more hotter.This singer is overexposed and his fans make death threats to people who don’t like an untalented brat who is trying to sound like Justin Timberlake.Wish he would go away!

  8. He’s cute guy and I ‘m sure he gets more action then the bitter queens that post negative comments about him do.

    1. You’ve got to be kidding me. He has to rent a stadium just to try to prove to his tweens that he’s a man… with a vagina.

  9. Whatever happend to Jeremy Jordan?? He was hot :) Is he still out there performing/singing/acting/porn maybe????

    1. From what I recall, Jeremy’s mum died and his fireman dad couldn’t cope with raising four boys alone so put two into an orphanage where Jeremy got abused then ran away. He had a successful career for a while but his crazy past caught up with him and he got addicted to crystal meth. It made him go very gaunt and odd looking and barely recognisable as his former self.

      I think he went through rehab and got clean but I’m not sure what he’s doing now. He has a couple of IMDB credits for 2010 and 2011.

      I don’t know if you’re allowed to post links here anymore but you could google up an article about him called “jeremy jordan – meth did it”

      1. I’ve just refreshed my memory on this stuff I’d misremembered some details:

        Jeremy’s mother had him at age 16 and gave custody to the dad. His dad later got married and Jeremy got two half-sisters, a half-brother and a step-sister but when Jeremy was nine, his stepmother died of leukemia and his truck driver dad put him into an orphanage with his step-siblings. The rest of it is right.

  10. He looks androgynus, for me (me only) that is not cute, legal or not no thanks (I don’t hate him I just don’t see sexy) When had that glasses phase he looked even more female

  11. Why does every male superstar have to be sexy and show off muscles? He’s not emaciated, he’s a small guy with a slim built. He’s cute, he’s not hot. It’s refreshing seeing a heartthrob that doesn’t need to pack on muscles to have a following.

  12. His PR people are not doing the greatest job. He not only look sad, bored, and unappealing but also looks feminine and frail. Don’t get it.

  13. Some young guys do seem to like him. 4chan’s new(ish) gay board often has a large “post pictures of Justin Bieber” thread.

  14. If “lesbian trying really hard to be butch” is the best the youth of today have to fantasise over, then I feel quite sorry for them.

  15. He looks like a lesbian and there’s nothing wrong with that. I just don’t know how to take him seriously; it’s so distracting. But I couldn’t sing one Justin song so I guess I’m just not that invested.

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