10. Black Tricks, White Treats

We’re a little skeptical that the black dudes have to settle for being tricks while the white guys get to be treats. But since we’re whores for holiday puns, we’ll let it slide. The film promises more action than “a bag of tasty, hard dick candy.” Reminds us of that time we got arrested a few years back for giving trick-or-treators bags of tasy, hard dick candy. What a night.

 
9. Sons of Satan

If you’re anything like us, well, first, we’re sorry about that, but second, it means that you often fantasize about giving Satan a sloppy rimjob. Go ahead and check out this epic film about attic chambers, cum-filled chalices, and — of course — men with long hair.

8. The Destroying Angel

This movie is based on an Edgar Allen Poe novel. Hot.

7. Bareback Ghosts

Why would ghosts bareback when they’re practically walking condoms?

6. Rumpenstein’s Monster

This toon porn about a jolly green giant gay sex monster has us … really confused.

5. Laid By A Vampire

If you thought Tom Cruise suckling Brad Pitt in Interview With a Vampire was hot, then wait until you see this flick’s orgy scene atop a dirty motel room carpet. That’s just how vampires roll.

4. Twisted

This film is modeled after Scream, which is made obvious by the boxcover’s replication of Drew Barrymore speaking to a stranger on the phone while rubbing her penis through her over-sized double-lined manderwear from Target. Seriously, though — is that guy wearing Mormon undergarments?

3. Haunted House on Sex Hill

“No one commits mortal sin alone…” intones the boxcover, clearly forgetting about suicide. No matter. With horny ghosts fucking all over a rickety set, and one of those “just add the word sex” porn title generators,  this film makes for one spooky masturbation session.

2. Night of the Occultist

If being an occultist means standing bare-torsoed in a sea of fog, then what does that say about circuit parties?

1. Jason Jacks Off On Halloween

What do you get when you combine a pasty dude, a bed and a Freddy Kreuger mask? A pasty dude jerking off on a bed wearing a Freddy Kreuger mask. Happy Halloween!

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