Christian News Wire — “the nation’s leading distributor of religious press releases — published an article today warning that voting against Prop 8 will lead to a scourge of child prostitution.

Here’s their reasoning:

“Prop 8 Impact: Child prostitutes predominantly come from broken homes where girls do not have a stable two parent family. Instead they are either thrown away, run away or lured. If these children had the balance of a mother and a father the chances of them falling into the hands of the predator are drastically reduced.”

This really upsets us. How ridiculous — to try to strip children of their rights to become prostitutes! This is a free country. In conclusion, we urge you to vote No on 8 and allow the children of these great states to decide for themselves whether they want to supplement their weekly allowance with five dolla blowjays behind the jungle gym. Though we do see their point. The children who grow up in foster homes because gays still can’t adopt in dozens of states are much better off. And why do you think countries like Bangladesh and Romania have such horrible child prostitution problems? That’s right. Gay Marriage.

Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re going to hang out with a bunch of people we know who grew up with gay parents. And we’re bringing a wad of cash and a roll of bubble-gum flavored condoms with us, cuz they’re all child prostitutes. It’s Friday night everybody!

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Gay Marriage = Child Prostitution (Joe. My. God.)