…maybe the electoral college isn’t useless after all. Below, our immodest proposal for getting out the vote for gay porn.
The Campaign
What if award shows were organized loosely into
a circuit, spanning from the GayVNs (the New Hampshire caucus) to the
Grabbys (the Rust Belt primaries). If you mix in the various White
Parties (Miami and Palm Springs), industry conventions, the award shows
themselves and normal weekend activity, no one would have to be sober
from February to June!
Special “Interest” Groups
Since various regions (states, not erogenous zones), have their own
stylistic preferences (LA for smooth hunk, SF for bears, NY for
Leather, my uncle’s house for trannies) we’d increase recognition of
smaller releases and niche websites. Everyone’s making porn these days-let Utah’s collective voice be heard when throws its delegates to Sammy Case: Superstar.
The Smaller Caucuses
Numerous
smaller sites, publications and bathhouses could be encouraged to have
their own awards, and with the increased sales that come from the
increased publicity, the industry could take the summer off. Do we
really need three hundred new titles a month? We’ve got enough nuts…
let’s store them like squirrels!
The Super-Delegates
High-purchasing
consumers get to be super-delegates. If David Geffen and Oprah can get
a private audience with Obama based on their contributions to the
campaign, can’t the shut-in with copies of Auditions 1-23, get more of a voice than someone who votes for Gigolo on a website?
The Convention
Every year we show up at Pride events with no clear reason as to why
we’re there, or why we might want to talk to anyone else who came.
Think of the small talk we’ll save if we’re able to bond over our
mutual love of François Sagat’s buttocks!
The General Election
The
winner of the convention gets… oh, who really cares? By the time we
reach Pride we’ll all be sick enough of porn stars, drugs and the
self-fellation of award shows that we’ll pick up that tattered
collection of Proust, find a (non-nude) beach and start thinking about
life beyond the trimmed pubis. With the time off established, we can
send the winners on all-expense paid trips to rehab.
Related:
We Interrupt this GayVN Coverage to Bring You Sleazy Polaroids from the Glass Elevator (link NSFW)
14th Annual Hard Choice Awards (XXFactor.com)
Raging Stallion Sweeps Hard Choice Awards (RagingStallion.com)
Lucas, Raging Stallion, Titan Claim “Hard Choice” Honors (GayPornTimes.com)