1. 2(x)ist
Fighting 2(x)ist is like trying to hide from a tsunami with an
umbrella. The revolutionary bulge-enhancing middle seam is now so
gay-universal that wearing anything else is liable to brand you the gay
equivalent of bra burner. Think you’re “passing” at the gym? Think
again, Missy. You might as well get a tribal tattoo.
2. Andrew Christian
Andrew Christian’s Flashback Butt Lifting Technology takes us back to
the days of International Male, and not in a we’re-masturbating-to-you
way. More like, we’re gauging our eyes out and wondering when you’ll be
relegated to the stockroom at Spencer Gifts way.
3. Undergear
The day we wear an Undergear Padded Butt Boxer-Brief is the day we hang up
our dignity forever. If getting laid means adding padding, we’ll go the
Jason Curious route and stick to eclairs, porn and Tori Amos on repeat.
4. Rufskin
We’re not sure what’s terribly ‘ruf’ about see-through panties for men,
but then again, no one liked it when we mocked their Roman Heart-inspired denim adult diapers either.
5. Play Underwear
When we say we don’t think men should wear turquoise pantaloons, it has
nothing to do with gender and everything to do with age. The pajama-jammy-jam-esque iPod pocket in particular makes us want to crawl naked back into that
nightmarish Keane painting of gay life and never wake up.
6. AussieBum
Remember in Where the Boys Are ’84 where the ladies hire an escort and he strips down to his underwear and they laugh him out of the house? He was wearing these.
7. Ginch Gonch
Seriously? If we wanted to fuck Vanity Smurf we’d call Carson Kressley.
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