Reportedly, Brad “We’d Pay Him to Let Us Smell His Arm” Pitt drives Angie nuts with his nightly hour-long skin care regimen. The inside source states, “Brad steams his face twice a week, meticulously clips his goatee daily and plucks his own eyebrows.” Brad also apparently has Angie “scan his head weekly for gray hair.”

The source goes on to claim that, ironically, “Angie is a basic wash-and-go type. Before bed, all she does is brush her teeth and wash her face, which takes all of five minutes. But Brad goes through an intense ritual of cleansing, exfoliating and toning his face with all sorts of balms and creams…” The source goes on to say that once a week, “Brad lubes up his hands and feet with olive oil-based creams to keep his skin supple and wrinkle-free. He even wears gloves and socks to bed to make sure the cream works while he’s sleeping.”

Okay, that last part is dubious, but any excuse to write “Brad Pitt” and “lubes up his hands” in the same sentence is good enough for us. See the hand in the image below. Now we’ll excuse you while you go masturbate. If your boss keeps shooting you furtive horrified glances, just tell him, “What — it’s casual Friday!”

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