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A Belated Farewell From a Sword Editor

Jay Barmann Sword GoodbyeJay Barmann here. I’m going to break into an un-customary first person here to give a belated goodbye to you, dear readers.  As one or two of you may have noticed, I haven’t been around so much the last couple months.  I’m sorry I stopped calling or responding to your texts.

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We’ll be in touch.

Gay Porn’s Gay Marrieds, The Jarics Are Dripping Wet, Again

Gay Porn Stars Aden & Jordan JaricFalcon exclusive power couple Aden and Jordan Jaric — who, for those who don’t know, are monogamously coupled and only shoot scenes with each other — are in Palm Springs shooting Dripping Wet 2: Electric Boogaloo [subtitle courtesy of The Sword].

SAN FRANCISCO… Weekly Scene

It’s a rag-tag, come-as-you-are kind of town that’s short on huge dance-y madness and big on small-scale hipness. What it lacks in glamour it definitely makes up for in great music, unstressful scenes and trendsetting gaiety.  Below is a basic overview of the parties that go down in this pretty city on a regular basis.

ALSO: See our guides to New York and LA.

photo by Brandon Norris

Janice Dickinson Loves Trannies

Janice Dickinson Loves TranniesYou may have heard some of the noise we’ve been making about the 2009 GayVN Awards, which this year are returning to the Castro with celebrity hosts Janice Dickinson, Margaret Cho and Alec Mapa.

MONDAY

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Tiara Sensation
@ The Stud
9th and Harrison

Mondays, 10PM – 1AM, $5

Come on. No one goes out on weekends anymore. And Mondays are hard with nothing to look forward to, so check out this recently relocated DIY drag fest, featuring a craft table, good music and many a drunken cool kid in a borrowed wig.

san-francisco-sword-Manic-mondays-BOC.jpgManic Mondays @ Bar on Church
Church & 14th

Mondays, 8PM – 2AM, $2

When you offer 80-cent well drinks, expect the kids to show up in droves, even if it is a Monday night. 

 

 


TUESDAY

Show & Tell @ Kimo’s
Polk & Pine

Tuesdays 9PM

Sister Roma and Bebe Sweetbriar bring you this weekly funfest in the heart of the TenderPolk.

Pink Slip @ The Stud
9th & Harrison

Tuesdays 9PM

It may not be Trannyshack, but the trannies are trying keep a toehold on Tuesdays at the Stud.

WEDNESDAY

 

Booty Call WednesdaysBooty Call @ The Bar on Castro
456 Castro Street

 Wednesdays, 9PM – 2AM, $3

Juanita MORE! and the MOREboys can always be counted on to bring out the cuties and cool kids at this mid-week dance party, while beloved Sword portrait photographer Brandon Norris shoots your new Facebook photo in the back room.

Brain Farts @ The Lookout
Market Street @ Noe

Wednesdays 7:30 – 10:30

Dork out on some way gay trivia with co-hostesses Pollo Del Mar and Bebe Sweetbriar at this weekly pub trivia night in the Castro.  Drunk fags and their hags in attendence tend to take their trivia pretty seriously, so come armed with at least one friend who hasn’t melted their memories with crack.

 

Frat House @ 440
440 Castro Street

Wednesdays, 9PM – 2AM, $2

The name says it all. Oh, and they sometimes have a midget selling beer bongs and usually a skinny go-go twink who looks like he could use a sandwich, and tox screen.

 

THURSDAY

Tubesteak Connection @ Aunt Charlie’s Lounge
133 Turk Street
10PM, $4

Aunt Charlie’s is one of our favorite bars of all time.  The carpet probably hasn’t been replaced since the mid-70s… read more

 
Buck Wild @ Buck Tavern
1655 Market St (at Gough)
7PM

Miss Nixx and Lady Bear bring you a pool party. As in billiards, not water. And they’ve got $6 Long Island Iced Teas. Made with Soju, not Vodka. (No liquor license.) But that’s cool! $4 Jumbo Tavern Dogs and $2 Miller Lite drafts are all you’ll need.

FRIDAY


Ghetto Disco
@ The Endup
6th and Harrison
11PM – 11AM

The unofficial after-party for those jittery, sex-crazed alcoholics we love to cuddlefuck.


Charlie Horse @ The Cinch
1723 Polk Street (bet. Clay & Washington)
10 PM, show at 12.
 
It’s a hike if you don’t live in the Russian Hill/Nob Hill/’Loin vicinity, and with hostess Anna Conda and a bevy of part-time trannies this is the most rock-n-roll that drag gets. Free, with half-price drinks before 11.


Black Friday
@ Cat Club
1190 Folsom Street
Third Fridays – 10PM

DJs Pee Play, Sex Wax and Randy bring this new monthly, every 3rd Friday, featuring electro, 80s, and indie-type stuff.


Snap A Licious
@ Deco
510 Larkin St
Third Fridays – 10PM

Join Ginger Snap and her army of hos for performances and binging. Freakshow begins at 10. $5

boybar_THUMBnew.jpg Boy Bar @ The Cafe
2367 Market Street

Every Friday 9PM – 2AM

If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to feel old before your time, washed up by age 28…


SATURDAY


Cock Fight
@ Underground SF
424 Haight St
2nd Saturdays – 10PM – 3AM

It’s finally here! A new party we can really get behind, featuring a locker room theme, slutty go-gos and the musical stylings of DJ Earworm. Brought to you by the brilliant mind behind 2004/5’s Faggot.

Manquake @ The Gangway
841 Larkin Street
4th Saturday – 9PM, $5

DJ Bus Station John hosts this monthly party in the TenderPolk, where the alterna-gays nudge aside the colorful cast of elderly regulars to order cheap drinks and nod to the 70s and 80s beats. The dancefloor at the back always reminds of a suburban basement family room, minus Dad’s golf trophies.

Social Club @ The Lookout
16th & Noe (at Market)
9PM, $4

They call it “Sophisticated Saturdays” and they encourage ties and such, but let’s just say there are a lot of polo shirts and t-shirts and while it’s definitely a cute crowd, it’s also turning into a very Cafe-ish, twentysomething crowd indistinguishable from Boy Bar or Frat House. That said, it’s way more tolerable than most of the shitshow that is the Castro on a Saturday. $4.


 
The Hot Boxxx Girls @ Aunt Charlie’s Lounge

133 Turk Street
10 PM

Get your dollar bills ready and get there early (they’ve been turning folks away lately) as the girls pull out all the stops–and at least five costume changes apiece–at this old-school dragztravaganza. Tips are a definite must and Gina LaDivina is sure to blow you away. $5 …read more

Happy Birthday Jeremy Hall

Hunky Canadian Jeremy Hall’s a definite Sword fave and remains, as far as we know, one of the higher priced rentboys out there. In honor of the kid’s birthday, we give you this interview courtesy of Just Us Boys–featuring a slightly grating Angel Benton and a hilarious cameo by a female ‘fan’ on the street outside the studio.

Minstrelsy Alert: Jack and Karen to Get Spinoff?

Oh my stars, will we never get enough gay minstrelsy?  The gay/celeb webs are abuzz! today with the news that  Jack and Karen (Sean Hayes and Megan Mullally) are shooting a pilot for a long-awaited spinoff to the semi-groundbreaking 90s sitcom Will & Grace. 

Rick Garcia Loves Girls … No, Really (NSFW)

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It’s the the porn version of walking and chewing gum at the same time: tell us how much you love having sex with girls while you’re getting your ass pounded by a guy. Rick Garcia, star of AMG Brazil’s RIO accomplishes the task with flying colors.

Beckham Who? Cristiano Ronaldo Gets Shirtless and Soaks Up the Spotlight

cristianoTH.jpg We’re not crazy about organized sports, but considering the fact that NFL players look like neck-less ogres and soccer players look like Greek statues, it baffles us that the sport isn’t more popular in North America. The rise of the great underwear-model-slash-soccer-titan David Beckham has had every fag and his sister drooling for eons, but the gays have had their sites set on 23-year-old Portuguese winger Cristiano Ronaldo for some time as well.

LISTEN UP, FAGGOT! Girls are Our New Favorite Boy Band

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Christopher Owens and JR White, along with a cast of rotating backup players, make up Girls: San Francisco’s hottest new export. Their first-ever show at Cafe DuNord sold out and had rabid MySpace fans screaming along all of their lyrics, and they’ve since attracted the attention of everyone from the SF Bay Guardian to Pitchfork to SPIN Magazine without even going on a national tour

Mama & the Jihads and The Bombs That Go Boom

GAY_SissyboyLIVEPB.jpg We remember 9/11 like it was yesterday, primarily because everyone in New York was chanting “USA! USA! USA!” like it was a Nuremburg rally, and because our friend’s father ran away with a younger woman that very night. It will also, evidently, make you make weird drag videos about Muslim women, set to the incomparable music of L’Trimm. Granted, these people were probably in a squat in Portland on that fateful day, but it doesn’t make their laughter-through-tears any less funny.

William Higgins on the “Ambush Massage”

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Legendary porn director William Higgins made us a little uncomfortable describing the odd task of tricking a model with the patented “ambush massage,” but we’ll take pointers where we can get ’em.

Model Undress: Boy Oh Boyd!

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It looks like i-D, Britain’s brattiest fashion glossy, brought in the blond guns for their August Artisan Issue. In a lengthy questionnaire entitled “EVERYTHING STARTS WITH A B: 89 sentences about actor, model, poet, playwright, and artist, Boyd Holdbrook,” i-D scribe James Anderson drives the increasingly ubiquitous blue-eyed Brooklyn boy “mad” with questions, so much so that he declines to answer ten in a row before question number 41, which reveals “Boyd’s eyes are blue.” Despite how closed off the brooding model/poet insists on being, we do learn that “Boyd just replies ‘nope’, when asked who his lover is,” and then, disappointingly, “‘She knows who she is’, [he says] when asked who he would like his lover to be.” We can still fantasize, can’t we? On the topic of porno, our intrepid inquisitor discovers, “Boyd’s take on pornography is simply, ‘Whatever makes you better, pal.’

30-Minute Meth With Rena Ray

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Who knew that the solution to the dreaded meth mouth was to add a little flouride to your Drano? Rachel Ray’s evil sister gives us the recipe.

Trailer: Beefcake (1998)

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This 1998 biopic of Athletic Model Guild founder Bob Mizer shows us that in the days before Chi Chi La Rue and fisting and fart porn, a kinder, gentler and semi-erect empire ruled, paving the way for the multi-billion dollar gay porn industry that we know and love today.

Time-Honored Torsos: Tico Patterson

CS-TicoPattersonTH.jpg Athletic Model Guild’s Bob Mizer found some true stars over the years, even if they never became huge names. One who we think deserves another look is Tico Patterson. He did a few star turns in Man O’ Man and Bi-Coastal. But he’s perhaps most fetching in pictures, naked but for his moustache and the occasional prop–we especially love the 70s jogger-pirate one with the pistol aimed at his pistol and the one of him as a football jock with leg cast and missing teeth.

B-Roll Brilliance: Doggie Style (Jet Set, 2006)

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Does your jealous lover check lube levels, too? Then you may relate to this clip from Jet Set’s masterpiece Doggie Style: Get Some Tail. It features some of the best porn b-roll dialogue we’ve heard in a while:

Tom: “It’s the 21st century, Shane, and you’re a monogamous dinosaur.”
Shane: “And you’re an alcoholic slut.”

(That would be Derek Cruz as Tom, Shane Collins as Shane and Anthony Martinez, pictured at left.)

Celebrity Nipple: Barely Legal MTV Sk8er Boi Strips for the Tween Set

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Late last week at the Huntington Beach 2008 “Teen Vogue Fashion LIVE!” event, 18-year-old pro-skater Ryan Sheckler made the innocent choice to remove his t-shirt, unwittingly causing a din of shrill screams from approximately 35,000 eleven-year-old girls. The wall of noise was so thunderous it caused seismic plates in southern California’s coastal region to shift violently, resulting in this Los Angeles-area earthquake early yesterday. When we pressed our fourteen-year-old niece for comment, she questioned Ryan’s hotness with a dismissive hair flip: “I used to think he was hot, and then all my friends started to think he was hot and it was kind of annoying, but now he’s all buff and like…not as hot. Okay, he’s pretty hot still!!”

Screencap Sexpot: Casper Van Dien

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We’re not even sure you could call him C-list these days, but there once was a moment when Casper Van Dien’s naked torso commanded a lot of attention. Nowadays he’s starring in Starship Troopers 3: Marauders, and we don’t know anyone who even saw Starship Troopers 2 (although the first one, for realz, is a classic piece of cinema). We’ve collected some screencaps for you from the original Starship Troopers, as well as a few from this Tarzan movie he did, and a TV movie called Partners. Do with them what you will.

‘The Boy Is Gay’ by Jr., Feat. Mellione

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We came across this dude named Jr. who calls himself the “King of Gay Music.”  Here’s what we know about him: he doesn’t like super femme-y guys (see the song “No Queens” to the tune of TLC’s “No Scrubs”), he makes up words (see “scandocious” and “indefagable”) and he is a proud, out-loud, black homo from Chicago who makes some pretty funny spoofs of pop songs, rewritten with gay lyrics. Please enjoy this revision of “The Boy is Mine,” featuring hag supreme Mellione.


RELATED:
Country Tranny Shakes Her Poak Chops

Jr. on YouTube

Screencap Sexpots: Christian Bale

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In honor of the opening of The Dark Knight, we give you this look back at the more notably shirtless moments in Christian Bale’s recent career. We have loved him since Empire of the Sun (we were pre-teen too at the time!), then he got all buff for his comeback in American Psycho, and then just kept on giving us ab-tastic performances in Reign of Fire and Batman Begins. After the jump, please appreciate this Brit stud’s fine body of upper body work.

Porn Stars at Virgin Megastore in NYC

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Raging Stallion boys Jake Deckard and Steve Cruz along with a pile of other porn stars including the gifted Antonio Biaggi, Mike Drayden and Sword fave Wolf Hudson descended on Virgin Megastore in Union Square during New York’s Pride weekend, to take off their shirts, make out with each other and sign a few cock shots for their eager fans. Luckily for us, mr. Pam was on hand with the Tim & Roma show to get some of the circus on camera.

Erik Rhodes at NY Pride 2008

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During a Pride afterparty in New York, a drunk-seeming Rod Barry (on behalf of The Tim & Roma Show) asks the tough questions of Erik Rhodes (“Why should we love you?”) and of a very scared straight woman named Amanda who has never, we repeat NEVER, fucked a guy in the ass with a strap-on.

Celebrity Nipple: Matthew McConaughey Removes Shirt, Enjoys Bud Light, and Officially Ushers in Summer 2008

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At first it was totally hot, then comfortably titillating, then it was kind of a bit much, then it was gay, then it was grotesque, then it was maddening and devoid of any remote attractiveness, then it was absent for a good few months and we thought it was all over. Now it’s back! Of course, we’re referring to the incessant barrage of paparazzi photographs featuring Matthew McConaughey with his shirt off-and gentlemen,

Model Undress: Chad White in L’Officiel Hommes #12

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We’d be bigger liars than Clay Aiken if we pretended that we haven’t had a raging boner for Chad White since this site was erected. He’s one of the models you get almost embarrassed to have the hots for because he’s so generically good-looking, with his perfect tan, pearly white smile, all-American boy-next-door charm, and love of furry little animals. His versatility shows in his dossier, having modeled for everything from gay lifestyle skin magazines like Tetu and Attitude, to Macy’s catalogs, to Versace runways. This season he makes a splash on the beach for L’Officiel Hommes #12, shot by

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