American Horror Story Season 2 Premiere Recap

In order to compete with other gay blogs, I’m going to start writing television show recaps of the most highly relevant television shows that are part of “popular gay culture” and that have a lot of “online buzz.” This is part of my strategy to a) deliver more diverse content to a growing readership and b) increase the amount of unique visitors to my site. The title of this post alone, “American Horror Story Season 2 Premiere Recap,” includes a string of highly searched-for words on Google and should bring in, say, 50,000,000 hits today? Sure.

Without further ado, here is my recap of the American Horror Story Season 2 premiere:

I didn’t watch the American Horror Story Season 2 premiere.

But, I did watch a couple of commercials for it on YouTube and saw some pics of a hot guy being raped(?) and read some tweets from people watching it in real time (“OMG is that an alien?!”), and that is more than enough to give you as informed a recap as you will read anywhere else, trust me. So, here’s what happened on the American Horror Story Season 2 premiere, which I did not watch:

People with horrible Northeastern United States accents–the worst of which came from Jessica Lange–screamed while torturing people or being tortured themselves and/or having sex in a mental hospital/church. Loud, dumb, not remotely scary, mean, edited like a hip-hop music video on MTV if MTV still played music videos, and stuffed with gratuitous and unnecessary violence and nudity, the American Horror Story Season 2 premiere was everything its fans deserve. Tune in next week for exactly the same thing.

And like with any episode of any popular television show, the best part was when they showed the hot guy’s ass.

 

6 thoughts on “<em>American Horror Story</em> Season 2 Premiere Recap”

  1. That alien probe gave the kid’s hole a real workout – beat that, Trenton Ducati. I gave up on season one when they just plain ran out of ideas and killed off Jessica Lange’s hot daughter. Every episode had actors endlessly racing up and down the damned stairs. They also subscribed to the failed TV theory that “if ten characters are good, then 100 will be even better.” I’m watching the new season because it honestly boasts one of TV’s best ensemble casts … but the worst editing ever!

  2. I think a better way to try to “deliver more diverse content to a growing readership and increase the amount of unique visitors to my site” would be to expand the scope of your gay porn blogging. Don’t get me wrong I love the blog and come everyday, but it would be nice to see stories from more studios than just Next Door, Sean Cody, Men, Raging Stallion, and Cocky boys. I realize this means somewhat promoting the competition but right now I know more about Next Door’s models than I do nakedsword’s, and I never go to Next Door’s site.

    Would be nice to hear your commentary/satire concerning studios like Big Daddy, timtales, lucas, dawgpound USA (can’t remember the last time there was an article about a black studio or porn star that wasn’t Diesel Washington), some amateur sites, etc.

    Just a suggestions from an avid reader, take it for what its worth.

    1. Co-signed.

      A studio like timtales, for example, is constantly producing hot-as-shit material that trumps much of what gets 10x as much coverage on here. AND with hotter guys.

  3. “Loud, dumb, not remotely scary, mean, edited like a hip-hop music video on MTV if MTV still played music videos, and stuffed with gratuitous and unnecessary violence and nudity.”

    And that’s the show! [/tada]

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