A Very Porny Christmas

Because my family is driving me (more) insane (than I already am) and I’ve holed myself up in my childhood bedroom with a laptop, that’s why.

Also, because it wouldn’t be right to let the day go by without sharing Chi Chi’s special XXX-mas carol, Austin Wilde’s body, and two holiday messages from Samuel Colt and Steve Cruz.

First, listen to Chi Chi sing (best enjoyed with a mug of rum-spiked egg nog and a candy cane-flavored dildo up your ass). Who knew she could hold a note?! This is cute:

Austin Wilde, whose site just launched this week, in and out of costume:

austinwildexxxmas

Samuel Colt doesn’t want to offend anyone this Christmas:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wish.

And Steve Cruz keeps it real:

This goes out to the haters you know who you are! Sometimes the bad press is just as valuable and I wouldn’t want your efforts to go unnoticed. To you with jealousy and bitterness in your heart hiding behind a masked IP, an anon; or doing it shamelessly right out in the open! Here’s to your lack of originality, panache and most of all… your inability to just get over yourself. To all those who I unfollowed, blocked and chucked in the SPAM bin in 2010— I honor you! You force me to grow stronger and feel grateful for the opportunities that I have.

So everyone have a great holiday season, and here’s to a stronger wiser 2011. Love what you do!

And with that, let’s drink.

Merry Christmas or whatever, you guys. Thanks for reading, leaving comments (both the good ones and the cunty ones that I don’t publish), and sending in your tips.

Love, The Sword.

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No Responses to “A Very Porny Christmas”

  1. leaveme alone says:

    @Steve: Denial is not a river in Egypt.

    Which is worse, Blogging on X-mas eve or Visiting a porn blog? You decide. lol.

  2. Legend says:

    Samuel Colt sounds like a really witty guy.

    Steve Cruz sounds like a queen.

  3. blah says:

    Steve is a queen.

  4. Dana says:

    Hope you enjoy[ed] the holidays and get some overtime pay!

  5. ggreen says:

    Can LaRue ever become more legendary in her own mind? Enough ego for two bodies and head that looks like it’s worn out five.

  6. Steve Cruz says:

    OMG you read my blog Zach? Thats cool.
    I agree with Legend and Blah, Queen with a capital Q!

  7. Chi Chi LaRue says:

    ggreen
    Yes!

  8. Scottsku says:

    OMG! Samuel Colt…I loved your holiday wishes! I hope you didn’t plagiarize it, because I plan to send it forward with your name to the credit!

    That’s better than anything I’ve seen or read so far this past month! :-))

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